2 To Go!

I can't believe how fast this journey has been!
This Wednesday will be the END, I declare it so! Dr. Hohl's report on Friday was that this is it...going back in a month to see him. (For what I do not know, but never-the-less I will be there!)
The last five treatments, the one I spoke of earlier that they call the "boost," is to just treat the cavity in which the tumor was removed from. Instead of treating the whole chest area they are zeroing in on just the one area. This means the rest of my skin can begin to heal- YEAH!
When I was sitting in the lab waiting for them to draw my blood before my doctor's apt., I was sitting in the middle chair. To my right was a lady who had just received 2 morphine shots because she was in such pain, and to my left was a man who had just received a blood transfusion the day before. I thanked God right then and there for giving me the wisdom to realize that my treatment has been TOTALLY doable! I am reminded how blessed I am every time I learn of others' horrific treatment stories...and of course the STRENGTH to handle what I have been given! It was a bitter-sweet moment to realize it's over and that I was strong enough to make it through while not have my life "too" interrupted-for my children and family!
I do not have much to report in this post, but wanted to let everyone know that the dr. apt. was awesome and I'm on the homestretch!
Thanks for traveling with me on this journey!!

7-Count it-7 Treatments Left!!

Hard to believe, but this journey is about to end... a journey that has been eye-opening, heart-breaking, heart-WARMING, and lightening fast!

To the followers of my blog, I appreciate your insightful and encouraging words along the way!

This will be my last full week of treatment.  I have two more after this week and then I can close this chapter.
Dr. Hohl, the doctor overseeing my treatments, will see me again this Friday afternoon and then I hope to be given the all-clear; only to see him once every three months for the first year I believe.
I'm praying for my skin to hold up through just 2 more regular treatments and 5 "boost" treatments. I'm not positive what the "boost" is exactly, but I play on asking tomorrow. I've blistered and peeled in a few areas that tend to rub on my bra or skin on skin, but still keep in mind that it's almost through. My pool days are probably shot for the summer, but there's always next year.
I was sitting on my patio the other night after my kids' ballgames and was remembering when I was wrapped in a blanket just so I could get out of the house for mere minutes to take in fresh air. As hard as it was to stay confined to the house for those couple of months, it seems a distant memory now.
Well, I'll be back to post more after I see Dr. Hohl this Friday. I'm also including a picture of my hair; it has started to come back and is filling it quite well. I've had a couple suggestions to post pics of my hair weekly so others can see how fast it's growing. I'll see how often I remember! : )
Thanks again for seeing me through this journey... I could NOT have done it with out the support of SO many people!!

Almost Forgot...

I almost forgot to post a picture of the pin the 13 year-old young lady made for me.
I'm not sure if her mother wants her name posted, so I'll just post the website in order for you to purchase a pin if you'd like. Just click on the link below my picture here and it will take you to her site.

Breast Cancer Pin Crafter

5 Down, 23 To Go

Well, I've completed my first week of radiation...nothing to it really. Every Tuesday is my "doctor" day and Thursdays I have ultrasounds. They are watching the cavity of where the tumor was; watching it every week to see the progress. This has nothing to do with my treatment, and everything to do with research. Last week Dr. Jacobsen did say that this week the skin affected by the radiation will become more sensitive.
Today was my first day at the pool. I wore my swimsuit cover the whole time in order to avoid sun contact with my shoulder and breast area. I also have to make sure I stay in waist-level water as the chlorine would affect the area as well. Small obstacles as long as I get to be at the pool with my kids. Oh yes, and the head... three applications of sunblock in 2 hours. It was a bit too windy to wear my hat. My kids weren't even embarrassed; I'm very proud of them. It can't be easy for them to be at the pool with a bald mom!
I'm very thankful for being healthy enough to celebrate my daughter and son's birthdays in the same fashion as I have every year before. I still have one more birthday celebration to get through with my daughter, but I am feeling pretty good about it.
Thank you Paula for being such good company this week and driving me to radiation!
I'll keep you all posted as far as treatment goes, but right now I think it's just a matter of getting through the drive to and from Iowa City for 6 weeks. July 1st is scheduled to be my last treatment... and the countdown begins!

Blessed Beyond Words!

Shortly after finding out I had cancer I knew I wasn't alone... phone calls, e-mail and Facebook messages, flowers, cards, and gifts came in droves! I knew the best and most powerful gift anyone could give me was prayer. Little did I know that in the middle of my battling breast cancer 7,000 people would all be praying for me at the same time and many promising to continue praying for me as I continue my fight. Women of Faith this year was, and of course this is an understatement, A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!! Not just because of the love poured out for me by all of my sisters in faith, but because it solidified my belief that my faith in God is stronger today than it has ever been. Women prayed for me, shared their stories with me, and just gave me hugs to be close to me. drafted on 5/15 but not published b/c I didn't feel finished
Tonight I feel a little ashamed as I have not kept up with those of you who faithfully read my blog. I need to apologize for being away so long. Rest assured this has been because I have been able to get out into the public and regain most of my "pre-cancer" freedoms. I have been to school, out in public, to an event that rocked my WORLD, but back to the doctor a couple times a week too.
Doctor appointments have been post chemotherapy follow-up and radiation pre-game. Dr. Hohl does not see me again until the end of June; this is just another follow-up appointment. My new doctor's name is Dr. Jacobsen. She is my radiation doctor. Her team of assistants and nurses are very nice as well. I have been marked on, photographed, and imaged so much in the last week that I don't think anything in my upper body could stay hidden - X-rays, ultrasounds, a cardiogram. All the warm-ups are completed and tomorrow is the big day; 7:45 a.m. is when I begin radiation. My appointments will be at 7:45 until a 9:30 slot opens up on June 8th. Hopefully, my treatments will be wrapped up on July 1st. I'm hoping gas prices will go down fairly soon as daily trips to Iowa City are going to get expensive otherwise! But, if that's the worst of the treatments... I'll take it!
Bald is the new look for me! Some double takes and sideways glances have been the norm the last week. It's begun to feel a lot more like summer and hats, wigs, and scarves just aren't cutting it. My menopausal symptoms tend to add about 90 degrees to my normal body temperature and so there really is no other option. I figure others will get used to it just as I have.
Going back to work looks like a possibility this week. I'd be happy to see my students on their way into summer! It's been nice the last couple of weeks to be able to get in to see some of my students when visiting my sub.
Have you heard? Deodorants and antiperspirants are SO yesterday! Yeah, really... join me in only deodorizing one armpit. Funny thing is, I lose my hair and many want to shave their heads to show support; I can't wear any underarm aids and no one offers to show their support there!! : ) My doctor told me scented soaps, sprays, etc., and deodorant messes with the rays and so I am forbidden from them for 6 weeks. Most deodorants and antiperspirants have metal in them... REALLY- who knew!? I couldn't think of a better time of year to not wear deodorant... really! It's only six weeks, it's only six weeks, it's only six weeks!
Back to Women of Faith... My first encounter while there was the mother of a thirteen year-old girl who happened to come across my blog and learned of my breast cancer. Her daughter is a beautiful crafter and decided to craft a cute pink ribbon shaped zipper (yes, I said zipper) with a little white rose in the center for me to wear as a pin. Not only that, but she is selling them for $4.50 in order to send me the profits. Words cannot describe how humbled, excited, and impressed I was. The heart of this 13 year-old is already so full of love that she's beautiful...and I've never met her. God is already working through her and using her to spread love. I will take a picture of the pin tomorrow and post the web address if you'd like to order one for yourself...wait until you see them! It's pretty dark in here now or I'd do it this instant.
On top of that, the t-shirt sales of the Faith Like a Girl design spread like wild fires in the Iowa Event Center after the beautiful Christy Axmear sported her's on stage in front of everyone. Women of Faith made an offer for any woman who signed up to sponsor a child through World Vision. Anyone who signed up to do so would get a free t-shirt...just like the ones sported by the 100+ women in our group. They went from 50 people signed up to 500 in a matter of hours before the conference was over! Think of all the children who will be fed, clothed, and immunized because of what Janice Baldice (sorry about spelling) and Christy Axmear did just to design a t-shirt...AMAZING!!!
The stories women shared with me, the performances by the singers, and experiences shared by Women of Faith had me totally dehydrated! I was moved to tears so many times I really think Kleenex should think about sponsoring these events! Seriously, this was an amazing two days spent with my sisters-in-faith! They offered, and continue to offer, the best medicine for any patient... PRAYER!
Thank you to everyone who continued, and still continues, to check my blog. I guess it could be a good thing that's it's been awhile. I'm so busy being healthy I don't make the time to blog about being sick!

Light At the End of the Tunnel

My last round of chemo treated me much as the last three...nothing being consistent that is! The tail-end of this last treatment came a little slower, but also a little gentler so I wasn't quite sure if it was "it."

Yesterday, Thursday, I awoke to have a normal-sized tongue and water tasted normal. These are usually good signs that the chemo has worked it's way out, along with a couple others but I won't give you those details! : )

I was excited as I went out in public, and by that I mean the exciting grocery store and the exciting pharmacy... places I have had to avoid for fear of contracting germs that might deter my from my next treatment. It's nice to gain some independence back. At the same time, it did not take me long to figure out that I have a lot of work to do in order to gain my strength back.

At my last couple of appointments I have had an increased heart rate, which we knew the chemo drug (adromyacin) can put pressure on the heart, I just didn't physically know how that would affect me. I've never had any issues with my heart, so I didn't understand how tired and weak it would make me feel when otherwise I felt just fine. So, it will be short, slow walks that will be on my agenda now that I am working on recovering from my chemo treatments. This is a task I am TOTALLY up for now that I don't feel sick anymore. I'm excited to get out from the confines of my home. I'd even like to make a visit to my students in the next week! 

I set my mom's head spinning with all of this talk of going out in the public. She's been so protective of me and worried about me getting sick that this is not a comfortable topic for her. I think she even hates to leave for fear I'll over-do or get sick. I'd probably feel the same if it were my child, so I can't blame her. She's been a trooper for the last... I don't even know how many weeks. She's come into our home and had to not only take care of me, but put up with some attitude from my children and husband as they have at times resented her having to do the things they wish I could, and would normally, do myself. Our house will slowly transform back into some normalcy next week as grandma leaves, mom starts to do the things she used to around the house, and the kids regain their own chores grandma did FOR them. I think they will actually appreciate grandma more when she leaves than they have since she has been here!!!

The wedding last weekend was beautiful. The bride was beautiful and Jenna had an AMAZING time. She might have been slightly more excited than even the bride that the wedding day had finally arrived. I, however, couldn't have felt more lousy! I slept in the hotel room until 30 minutes before pics, applied make-up, peeled on a dress, and threw on a wig. Bloody noses were the name of the game the day of the wedding too; where those came from I haven't a clue! Grandma shuttled Jenna between our hotel room and the bride's headquarters so she could get her hair done and get dressed with the rest of the girls. I was able to stay for dinner and my speech for the reception. I am glad I was able to be there for Megan, but was glad to be back in my hotel room for sleep!

Spring has to be the "perfect" season to be sick. It allows for an underlying sense of hope just in sitting outdoors or by a window basking in the sunshine. There's new growth everywhere and a sense of newness that the fall or winter seasons just wouldn't provide. Obviously this is not something people probably think about when healthy, but it's something not to be overlooked or taken for granted. I love spring and I believe it is my new favorite season... allergies and ALL! : )

So, the next step for me is radiation. Monday I meet with Dr. Hohl one more time; I think just one more time at least. I assume just to check how I am doing after all the treatments and make sure my blood work all looks normal after my last chemo. 

As I look back to my first phone conversation with Dr. Hohl, I am FOREVER grateful for how he took over my care as I transferred from Mercy, answered my questions on my level, and made me feel so much better about how my treatment would be handled. As I move on to Dr. Jacobsen it's bitter-sweet to be "done" with his care. He is truly a doctor who is his line of work for the right reasons! 

Wednesday is a day of testing in order to plan my radiation, hopefully to begin the following Monday. I'm a lot more optimistic about this form of treatment as I don't think I'll feel as lousy as I have for the last 10 weeks. The worst I've been told is the fatigue. I've always said, since having kids at least, that tiredness is a state-of-mind... so we'll see if I'm about to learn another life lesson! It's a good thing I don't think I've already learned everything I need to know about life at 33! Cancer truly is an exception to most rules and contradicts most of what I've believed about life up to this point. It puts you in a completely different state-of-mind and makes you appreciate SO much more than anyone could ever explain! 

Have a blessed weekend and I'll be back next week after my appointments to update again. Enjoy the weather and your family this Mother's Day weekend.

Breast Cancer: Part Three

Today I woke up and felt pretty good. My taster is off a little, but I'll take that.
I wake up each morning wondering if it's going to be the day that the yucks start. So, on the good days I make the most of them!
At 9:40 Chad and I arrived at the U for my radiation consultation with Dr. Jacobson. The appointment card asked that we be there 15 minutes early. They forgot to mention it would take 20 minutes to figure out how to maneuver around there to find the lower level of that department! We walked in at about 5 after and I explained that we REALLY did arrive 15 minutes early! : )
Pretty satisfied with the news: the bad first, it's going to be 6 weeks - Monday through Friday of treatment.
Side Effects: a sensation that I've burnt the area radiation will be administered - the doctor said women never complain of pain though so I am hopeful, fatigue, a SLIGHTLY (like .002%) higher percentage of a risk the cancer could reoccur, and a small chance my arm/hand will experience numbness and swelling.
These are MINIMAL compared to the side effects I've been dealing with with chemo... so I'll take them.
The treatment will only be 10 minutes, there's free valet parking, and I can drive myself. My van should be able to drive itself there after a couple of weeks... right?!
Dr. Jacobson was very informative! Most of the information had already been explained at Mercy's cancer center before I switched hospitals so we were already pretty educated. She told us that the lumpectomy was the good choice, because if breast cancer would reoccur I can have a mastectomy. Had I chose that route to begin with, then the breast cancer would have been in the skin and it would not have been curable.
In two weeks, the 11th, I'll return for a CAT scan and ultrasound. The ultrasound is just to check the healing process of the breast. The CAT scan allows her to check the best way to administer the radiation. They will demonstrate a better way to breath for radiation in order to see which way will cause the smallest amount of damage to the lung and rib cage. They also have to be careful because the heart lays to the left side, which is the affected area for me. Thinking of radiation I really only thought about the area that is affected by cancer, but there's so much more to it! With breast cancer the pectoral muscle contracts and gets tight if not stretched, the radiation hits a minimal amount of the rib cage and lung. These are things they will have to monitor as we got through treatment.
I'm starting to feel more excited that I am done with chemo and that radiation, even though I was hoping for a 4-week treatment plan, will be much easier on me than chemo was.
Our house is gearing up for the big wedding! Jenna is psyched about her flower girl role, and I'm just hopeful I can be strong enough to make the walk and be the best matron of honor!
Well, I'm getting sleepy finally - back to the steroids!

The Chemo Countdown Ends

Tomorrow is the day I've been looking "forward" to from the start... treatment 4 of 4!
This last week has been a rather interesting one. Needless to say, I DID speak too early the last time. I had a feeling "the yucks" couldn't be avoided. I was hoping the different way my medicines were administered, inadvertently, would allow me to avoid them. None-the-less it came, it yucked, and it left my body in a big way again on Wednesday evening. This allowed me to have a few good days again before heading back tomorrow for round 4. Unfortunately, the pains in my side caused some alarm for the doctor and myself so we checked out my inners and everything checked out just fine. Good to know for future reference...
As excited as I am for tomorrow's treatment to be done, I am a little bummed it must happen this week. My best friend of 26 years is getting married on Saturday and I am the matron of honor. I'm sad to know that the wedding will come and go and I wasn't healthy enough to enjoy it to the fullest extent with her. I'm so happy for her and am glad that I can be there on her day, but wish I could be of "normal" health.
Tomorrow's events kick off at 9:45 with labs, 10:15 dr. apt., and then 11:00 chemo. Lastly, we have an apt. with the radiation dr. at 3. I'm hoping things go more smoothly this time so we can make that appointment. I'm anxious to see what the plan is for the next 2 months in the way of treatment. Radiation has to be "easier" than chemo!
What a beautiful weekend it was! The sun was in and out, but the sunshine my family provided for me was steady and strong. We were able to celebrate my beautiful niece's birthday and have a wonderful family Easter! I hope everyone else had a wonderful Easter and was able to enjoy their families as well!
I'll be updating with what we found out from the dr. apt. in a couple days. Thanks for all of the support!

3 of 4 "DONE"

The easy part of treatment is done. While it is nice to say 3 of the 4 treatments are done; until my body rids itself of the chemo I really don't consider it done. Anyone can be hooked up to an IV and let medicines be run into them... but the hard part is the tastes, dry tongue, nausea, and fatigue. I'll feel better when it's out of my system... then I'll say "YEAH! 3/4 of the way there!"
"HOLY BAT-HOT FLASHES CAT WOMAN!"
Another great symptom associated with receiving chemotherapy and being a woman... yeppers! On Monday during treatment, while sitting in the vinyl chair I began having a hot flash...cold wash clothes and fans- STAT!!
My nurse was kind enough to inform me that the sudden bursts of heat I had been and was currently experiencing was what she called a state in which women have medication-induced menopause... Just when I didn't think it could get any better!!! I asked if this would be THE ONE, but she was not able to answer that since I am 33! Now, if I was 23 that would have been a different story because that is SO much younger. I'm thinking if ANYTHING good could come from this it would be to allow this to be THE ONE! I think I could handle having that part of my life over!
As for how treatment has been since Monday, it's been slightly better... dare I say!? I've never been one to do things normally - and I love for nothing else than to have this treatment be better than the last two! Tonight's been a little rougher than the last two, but I'm still holding out hope... knocking on a lot of wood! The fatigue is bad and sleeplessness w/ the steroid suck, but I'd take those two over the nausea and nasty taste of foods and water! Time will tell, but I'm not holding my breath!
Monday's treatment did not go as quickly as possible, and I am wondering if that is leading to a better treatment bout this time. We were done with labs and dr. visit by 9 a.m., but we did not get home from treatment until 3 p.m. I realize they said plan on being there all day, but I thought noon would be the latest - meaning it took 3 hours to give me the treatment that only takes 90 minutes. My IV did not want to work for my nurse and so at different times when she believed my cytoxin was being administered it was actually just my saline solution. BUT, if it means I don't feel so yucky, well bring on 5 hour treatment again for the last time! It's all really a guessing game for me, so as I mentioned before, maybe we'll have it figured out for my last treatment on the 25th!
On the 25th I will be seeing the doctor that will be administering the radiation. My appointment for that will follow labs, dr, and chemo so hopefully we can make it! I'm anxious to learn the number of weeks I will be making daily trips for radiation.
Sorry I don't have a lot of positives or negatives this post... it's almost like the quiet before the storm and I REALLY didn't want to jinx myself by saying that I'm feeling a bit better this time around. I know that a lot of you are following my blog religiously and I don't want to make you wait too much longer. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Mom just refilled my water and it's starting to taste nasty so time will tell I guess.
I also learned that between the 7th and 10th day after treatment is when I am most susceptible to infection and/or germs that are surrounding me so I'll be house bound for the next several days... for sure! Not risking it when I'm so close to staying on track.
Thanks to all who continue to keep me in your thought and prayers!
I'm so tired I'm not even proof-reading this, so I apologize for any errors as I'm headed to bed without reading it again! : )

Pregame: Take 3

What Cancer Cannot Do

It Cannot...

invade the soal

suppress memories

kill friendship

destroy peace

conquer the spirit

shatter hope

cripple love

corrode faith

steal eternal life

silence courage

This week has been bitter-sweet. Lots of highs overcast with some cloudy days.
Starting with the best high - the benefit last Saturday. One cannot even BEGIN to express gratitude for an event that was as special as that! Thank you is not enough, and to say we were humbled probably goes without being said. The amount of people who attended was simply AWESOME... and the day itself was completely breath-taking. I am SO glad I had the opportunity to preview the "scene" on Friday before the actual benefit. While it prepared me for the overwhelming generosity this community showed, it couldn't have prepared me for all of the warmth I'd feel again when I saw a room full of people who came to show their support on Saturday! To know that I am a part of so many people's lives is so unbelievably humbling; students, community members, friends, family, and even classmates I hadn't seen in, well, we don't really need to say how long! Yes, grade school classmates showed up, college friends, my wonderful students came not only to see me but to help serve! The gifts, each and every God-given gift of mine, were there in only the way His bountiful love could have made possible. So many people in the community have even shared that it was an amazing turnout, and that it was just a fun day for them as well. No dollar amount could be equal to the richness I feel in the memories that I have to get me through the rest of my bout with cancer! To have the turn out such a success for the people who all made it possible was like icing on the cake for me. It was WONDERFUL to get out of the house and see people I don't get to see regularly anymore as well. I cannot talk enough about the benefit, but probably should update those who check regularly in hopes to see how I'm feeling.
Unfortunately, this week got off to a rough start. My push for the finish line is still strong, but there were a few more hurdles added to the track this time around. It’s probably expected to be a little more exhausting as the treatments start to cycle through a little slower because I don’t actually get to rebound clear back to where I originally started out.
From the day after my treatment, after my Neulasta shot on 3/29, I definitely felt the effects of chemo on my body. I was hoping to bounce back as quickly as I did after the first treatment. I felt “good” finally on Wednesday 4/6. I had the most amazing 6” sub from Subway that I have ever had. It tasted AMAZING, or at least like it is supposed to! To top that off I had a glass of milk…and was crazy about the taste of it! Probably one of the most annoying side-effects of the chemo is trying to eat like I’m supposed to and drink more than enough water when everything tastes awful. The chemo seems to deaden my taste buds and make my tongue feel like a thick piece of leather in my mouth.
My energy is completely drained so much that the simple task of making pancakes for the family in the morning WiPEd me out. It’s amazing how fast life can go from working two jobs and raising 3 kids to lying down after 20 minutes of trying to make breakfast. I think that is why my spirit is so crushed most days because I was living life in the too fast lane and it has all come to a crashing halt. I don’t know how people do it with a second or third bout with cancer. It must be like child labor; you forget about the details of the pain over time.
But, it is the love and support that continues to poor in that heals my wounded spirit. Cards, letters, and gifts continue to shower me on my worst days. Inspirational messages from people whom I do and don’t know or haven’t ever even met. It’s absolutely amazing the strength a note can give me to suck it up and push forward. A couple of examples this week were from a mom who is watching her son in his final stages of cancer prepare for his walk with God. Another from a former student who watched her mom battle cancer, not once but twice when she was a child of just 8 and 12. Said student reminded me that I am my children’s hero and that we will grow as a family from this journey. Those reminders are given to me on the days when I need them most!
Well, three more days and treatment number three will be out of the way. As chemo becomes more familiar my questioning turns more the medical direction. What makes treatment #4 the magical one? Are we sure chemo has killed any other cancer cells? When will radiation start and for how long will I be undergoing that? And while I understand that everyone’s body is different, how will I feel? Anything has got to be better than the way chemotherapy makes a person feel! The most important question of course is… DO I GO SHORT OR LONG, BLONDE OR BRUNETTE?
Yes my friends, the hair is gone! After getting ready for the benefit on Saturday morning and pulling more than half my hair out, I decided it was time to shave what was left. I didn’t actually shave it myself, but enlisted the help of a very brave neighbor. While I have not ordered or shopped for a wig yet, I know I’ll be the owner of one very soon. My best friend is getting married on the 30^th and I can’t wear a turban and scarf for that special day. It’s bad enough her matron of honor has to have cancer for her big day; I can’t be bald!
My kids’ reaction to my baldness has been simply amazing.
“You’re not as scary as I thought you’d be.”
“You look more like a dad than a mom.”
“You look like one of the Three Stooges!”
“Who cares!” – that’s the one I didn’t expect! We were headed out to grab a bite to eat and I almost left without my cap on, and that’s what Kyler said. I couldn’t have been more proud that he truly didn’t care what I looked like because I was still the same mom. It really melted my heart. Clayton is actually dealing with it much better than I thought he would as well. I guess they all just understand that this is part of making mom better.
Well, I may not post again until Monday because I’m going to make the most of this weekend before I’m bed-ridden again next week.

T.G.I.F.D.L.

Thank Goodness It's FOUR Days Later!
The chemo is finishing it's second stent of life in my body and hopefully each day will get easier until the next treatment. I've found that receiving treatment is far easier than when it is exiting the blood stream.
Lots of positives this time around as well. Physically, I felt so much better this second time around - possibly because my nerves were not as bad. Not sure if there's a connection or not yet, but things slowly got worse after my Neulasta shot which I go in for 24 hours after my treatment. It might also be that the chemo might have just been in my bloodstream for 24 hours too. Second positive, the headaches were minimal compared to last time - nothing compared to 8 days of continuous headaches! Third, no vomiting this time around either... might be that we've avoided the creepy, crawly flu bug this treatment round as well. (knocking on so SERIOUS wood here!)
I am still very weak and emotionally ready for a boost. My energy level is lower than the last time, but I'm sure that will be expected for awhile since it really never gets back to where I started. I'm very excited for the benefit on Saturday because I'm hoping to at least see people I haven't seen for 3-4 weeks!
Not working, mainly not getting to see my students, is hard but I'm sure they are getting the most out of their days regardless and Shannon is rocking the house... hopefully not getting too comfortable in my position though! : ) It's not up for grabs!
My workload, which I'm trying to make to-do lists to still be doing things, consists of 3-4 things to keep my mind busy and feeling useful. I COULDN'T do it without my little legs...mom! I cannot go get things I need or venture out to pay bills, etc. but my mom has been a trooper. Her legs are short but mighty! Tuesday I sent her on a day full of errands! She came straggling in a couple of times hoping for a nap, but this meanie just sent her back out to finish her list! She has admitted that raising kids at, well I won't mention how old she is going to be on Monday - it's a double digit and not a 4 or 6 - is much tougher than when she raised my brother and me. I can't imagine what I would do, or how crazy I would have made Chad by now, without her running here and there for me.
I'm not to a consistent sleep pattern either. I don't nap a ton during the day, which I believe is due to the steroid I take to help with the nausea, but most of the time wake up drenched, needing water, and then wide awake; hence the post at 4 in the morning! : ) Poor Taz, or dog, never knows where to go to find me in the middle of the night. He doesn't leave my side much when I'm sitting or resting. Today there's no more steroids until next treatment so I am excited about that!
Well my friends, I'm sure most of you are feeling the T.G.I.F. of my posting title today! I hope your day is wonderful and the weather is equally as beautiful this weekend for you to get out and enjoy it... take the time if you weren't already planning to!

After Chemo

Today went very well. Dr. Hohl was a bit behind, so treatment did not start until 3:30. We were done just in time to catch the 5:15 traffic of everyone leaving work. : )
I'm feeling pretty good so far. Just a minor headache and very warm... can't cool down! YIKES!
It's hopefully a sign of better days ahead than after last-time's treatment. Tomorrow's a new day AND
I'M HALF DONE WITH TREATMENTS!!

Pregame for Round 2

Tonight is a little nerve-racking as I head back tomorrow for my second round of treatment. I don't think tomorrow will be terrible, but as the chemo works its way out of my body over the next 4-5 days I know it's going to be rough. I've defied the odds - as far as losing my hair - so far, but I'm not holding my breath this time around. It's been a wonderfully humorous miracle for me and anyone else who has been able to see me in the last couple of weeks. Dr. Hohl gave me 3-4 days, as I understood, to start losing my hair. I have a prescription for a hair prosthesis, have purchased some hats/turbans/scarfs (thank you Paula), and have prepared my children for the event - but to no avail. It has almost become a standing joke for my visitors... "prepare yourself to see me - I STILL HAVE MY HAIR!!" If you don't have a sense of humor, then your doomed from the start!
So, I've come to realize that most people are very curious about the whole experience of chemo - as was I until two weeks ago. I guess the movies do a terrible job of portraying yet another life event!! While I am hardly a beautiful sight to see while working through the chemotherapy drugs, I don't feel it's as bad as I imagined (or saw on TV). The doctors, nurses, and everyone at the hospital make the experience as comfortable as possible. While I'm on a heavy dose treatment schedule, there are survivors who have shared that treatments can take place one day after the other. Bless them for being so strong! It is VERY important for people to understand that one person's chemo varies from most other's in the chemo ward; the medicines are different, people react differently, and it's not predictable as to how people's bodies will accept/reject the medicine. For those who are curious, I'll walk you through what tomorrow will look like:

• 11:15 - I will have labs. They draw blood to check my red and white blood count and platelet level.
• It is actually possible that I could not get treatment b/c those numbers are not in the right range. This is why it's critical for me to take care in not getting sick and avoid crowds/public places.
• 12:00 - I will see Dr. Hohl and he will check in with me - just seeing how things have been going. He then orders the medicines I need for treatment.
• 1:00 - I will be at the chemo ward for treatment. Nurse Sara told me that patients can wait 1 or 2 hours for pharmacy to deliver the medicine the doctor ordered. She also informed us that an appointment for chemo means plan on being at the hospital all day!
• After being hooked up to the IV, which makes me wish I had gone the port route, they will start the basic saline/water solution. I'm going to have to ask the nurse to see the actual needle tomorrow, because I SWEAR that sucker is very long. Last time when I thought the nurse had the needle placed, she pushed it in a little further, then a little further, and even just a little further! Chad was no help in recalling the needle length as he reassured me there was NO way he looked at the needle. The needle placement is very critical as my first medication cannot leak outside of the vein b/c it can cause tissue damage, comforting right!
• While being given the saline solution I am also administered 3 different prescriptions for nausea and 1 steroid. I was worried about losing all of my "buffness" so I asked for the steroid...JK - it actually increases the effectiveness of the anti-nausea medications.
• The first chemo drug is administered via a needle inserted into the IV pic line. The medication is actually tinted red so that the nurse can watch the medicine go in. The "push" takes about 15 minutes as there are two syringes with the medicine in it.
• Next, the nurse hooks up the second medicine to be administered through the IV with a slow drip. This medicine takes about an hour/ hour and a half to be given.
• Lastly, the saline/water solution is run for about 15 more minutes. This is done so all of the medicine can be flushed through the tube.
• And then I head home. So I guess the duration of our stay in the chemo ward depends on how backed up the pharmacy is! 

As I stated above, I have no expectations for the rest of the week. It is nice knowing, for the most part, what to expect. The next day I will return for my shot of medicine to help boost my white blood cell count again, and then I will sleep away the next few days. Mom will be back to stay with us again tomorrow; she will wake me every 2-3 hours to make me eat. I'm sure she's enjoyed her vacation away from us...actually I talked to her Saturday and she had the flu Jenna and I had earlier in the week.
The last few days have provided for my family the time we needed to play, watch movies, giggle, and just be "healthy." Jenna pulled out her second loose tooth - by herself! Kyler has been very clingy this weekend so I'm a little afraid he may be affected a little more this week with my being sick. He's been snuggling, which any sane mother wouldn't turn down, and being protective in playful situations. Clayton got to stay at a friend's house Friday, so his weekend was perfect in his eyes from that point on. He even beat me in bowling on the Wii today by 7 pins so that topped off his weekend! Laughter has been my best medicine this weekend as each minute ticking away was one minute closer to Monday's treatment. I can always count on my Lisa to leave me in stitches, because it is ONLY cancer! Saturday's company left my ribs sore as my neighbor Laura has learned quite a bit about animal instincts growing up on a farm and my beloved Marci has more goalie instincts than I realized - which gave her an edge and ultimately the win in the game! Loved hearing the kids' voices and laughter as they played, between episodes of tattling. Today, well it was a nice day spent with Grandma and Grandpa Thurm. An example of how this sickness is affecting me.... CHAD went shopping with grandma today and I stayed home with grandpa and the kids to play games! No public places or crowds might be just what Dave Ramsey ordered for our budget! My weekend capped off with another gracious gift from some very thoughtful and giving people (not to mention awesome pepper players apparently).
My family and I continue to be overwhelmed with the amount of support we are given each and every day! I know I just keep repeating myself when I say this, but there are no words that we can say to truly show how grateful we are to all of the people who have opened their arms, hearts, and faith to be a part of the amazing outpouring of support we've received!! I hope for all of the wonderful people planning the benefit that Saturday is AWESOME!!!! Just remember, NO matter what shakes down on Saturday, but everything WILL run smoothly, you are SO greatly appreciated, admired, and loved in many, many, many, many ways.
Well my friends, I'm afraid it's that time... BED TIME! I can hear my bed calling my name!
Good night!

March 22, 2011

Well my friends, it's been a pretty tough week and I'm sorry this is the first I am able to report to you. My positive outlook was shifted only momentarily out of neutral from time to time; and it wasn't for the best. Thrush, migraines, and constant nausea kicked my butt! I came to a couple of conclusions last week and one of them was that it's not going to be as easy as I anticipated it would be to stay positive. Another being there's no way I can work if each treatment will be the same; at my dr apt yesterday I asked for a note explaining that I won't be back until treatment is done. With any luck things will get easier and I'll just have to get another note that voids the first! My kids are in great hands with their substitute, but I miss them already after only one week. I'll just have to communicate with them via technology.
Monday wasn't terrible, but each subsequent day got a little rougher. I slept quite a bit, only being woken up to eat - which ironically I've not been a fan of since treatment. I thought instead of recapping all of the negative, I'd highlight the positives:

• Kyler, Chad, and Clayton's basketball tournament on Saturday - they did AMAZING as always! Very proud of our 4th grade boys and how far they've come in the last couple of months. Wish I could have been there, but I'm sure you looked as amazing as your scores were!
• Still have my hair - it is a different texture though, FOR SURE! (hats are "optional" at this point)
• Cinnamon roll from the Landmark - TOTALLY hit the spot; you're the greatest Pam!
• Cards galore - from my students and still getting them in the mail
• Megan S. stopping to see me - I do remember even though the doctor prescribed some Vicodin for the headaches.
• Porch talk with Laura and pillow talk with Marci : )
• 1 treatment closer to being done!
• My new caring caps from the Woolen Needle
• My chemo nurse Sara... wanted to definitely bring her home with me!
• A visit from the Flander boys - oh yeah, and Kristin : )
• Heather, Josh, and Mary stopping over to talk about the wedding... exciting! Can't wait to see my boys in their tuxes and Jenna in her princess dress... oh yeah, and the beautiful bride! : )
• My wig will be covered by insurance... when I get one!
• My sub Shannon; did I already mention her??? Because every other thing I'm thankful for should just be followed by Shannon!
• Updates about the benefit: my heart swells a little more each time I hear about more ways people are pouring their love out for my family! 
• Beautiful weather  - when I did make it outside to walk the block it was beautiful and sun shiny! LOVE that I'm able to let the coming of spring help me through my depression! What's not to love about the birds singing in the morning and the sun pouring in through the windows!?!?!?!?!
• And of course my family - my mom's been stepping in to fill my "mom" shoes, far more patiently than she did with me of course when I was that age! : ) JK mom! 
• The sound of my children coming in the door after school, for the first 5-10 minutes that is! 
• Phone calls and cutely colored pictures from my nieces and mother-in-law. 
• My kids crawling in bed to snuggle with me! Sorry Chad, I know you lost out on the bed a couple of nights, but it was worth it....RIGHT?!
• My husband holding my hand right through it all... can't imagine doing it alone!

So, this week is like the calm before the storm... or the anticipation of the trip to the hospital to go through labor. I saw Dr. Hohl yesterday and we are trying different anti-nausea medicine in the hopes that will help my headaches disappear. Everything else looked good so I think we're on the right track. A final report, I think, on the biopsy showed my chances of breast cancer returning around 34%, IF I did no further treatment. Since I am choosing to follow my lumpectomy with chemo and radiation that lowers it to about 10%. A much better number and a good reminder for why I have to just stay strong and hang in there.

Next Monday I'll be half done with my treatments! THAT in itself is absolutely motivating! I don't dread radiation because it sounds "painless" and I believe I will welcome that change in the treatment plan.

Well, closing with another word of thanks! Thanks for the meals, cards, gifts, visits, calls, and mostly, the prayers!

"I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me strength" -  B-O-U-N-T-I-F-U-L support!!!! 

 

March 15, 2011

Start the countdown: 1 treatment down, 3 to go!
So yesterday was the first day of chemo. Not as terrible as I thought, but last night and today have been a little rough. It's frustrating to be so weak and helpless; don't do helpless and weak very well.
The positive messages and calls have been awesome. I've only had one close call with vomiting and have been put on the Cadillac of medicines to avoid nausea... and am VERY thankful for that!
I learned yesterday I will be losing my hair 3-4 days after treatment and that I will be getting a shot the day after chemo each time in order to help my body replenish the white blood cells quicker as we will be using the adriomyacin and toxicycline each time and upping the amount of time between treatments from 3 weeks to 2. Because I am younger the doctor believes I can handle more of a dose heavy treatment in order to kick it quicker. I have to be careful to avoid environments that will put me at risk of being exposed to a lot of illnesses. The labs should be in later this week as to the hormone levels in my tumor. The medication I am given later will be determinate of those levels.
Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm hanging in there and didn't want to make you keep wondering. It's going to be a long haul, but I believe with all of your support it will be bearable!

March 13, 2011

Another successful shower for the beautiful bride-to-be! Chad and I traveled to Peoria this weekend to meet "the fam." Josh is blessed with a wonderful family and we were glad to be able to meet them. My cancer journey has been an up and down the last few days and it was nice to get away. Grandma Ilah took the kiddos so Chad and I have been able to have some time together.
As I stated earlier, Dr. Hohl's office was going to be getting a hold of me on Thursday. At lunch, 12:30, I decided I needed to call them as I had heard nothing at that point. Around 2:30, when the secretary asked if I needed a sub on Friday, I needed an answer so I called a second time. I left work at 4 not knowing if I'd be back the next day to teach or if I would be going to the hospital for treatment.
Around 4:15, when I called Chad to let him know the boys were getting their hair cut, he informed me the nurse had called him and said that my treatment wouldn't start until Monday. Later on that evening I received a voicemail from Dr. Hohl's nurse and she informed me that there were no openings on Friday, so I would be starting my treatment on Monday. She also said something about only needing four treatments, but now they would be every other week instead of every three weeks. I was excited for a couple of reasons; one, I would only be having treatment for 8 weeks instead of 18, and two, there were apparently good results of my tests.
On Friday, when I was able to speak with the nurse, I wasn't as pleasantly surprised. The testing Dr. Hohl was ordering would take two weeks to find out the results. But now that I am heading into my 6th week after surgery, there is a need to get treatment started. I was also disappointed to find out the plan includes treating me with the adramyacin, medicine, that I had hoped to avoid. BUT, the good news was that I could get started on Monday!
As Monday draws near I am nervous and happy at the same time. I'm very scared about the actual chemo, but I am happy to be getting started with the treatment.
Thanks to everyone again for the well-wishes, cards, and prayers!
So, I guess I'll head into this optimistically nervous... AGAIN!

March 7, 2011

Today is another hurry up and wait day. It's very hard to stay patient, but I appreciate Dr. Hohl's thoroughness. 
Here is what I learned today:
- there are two drugs that he knows he would like to treat me with 
- the third drug, the one there is currently a nation-wide shortage of, is the one he wants to make sure I need
- the hormone therapy, at first considered to help with the medium-high levels of estrogen found in my tumor, was ineffective in their trials with my tumor
Dr. Hohl will be calling me on Thursday to talk about what the results of the ONCO type Dx test. (not exactly sure about spelling or abbreviations with that) Basically this test will tell the likelihood of my breast cancer coming back. If the odds look fairly high then he will go ahead and administer the adriamycin, the third drug, along with the other two. In test cases including the medication adriamycin patients had heart complications 30-40 years down the road. If my test results show that the chances are not very likely then he will avoid using this drug, for obvious reasons. The two other drugs, that will be included in my treatment, are cytoxan and taxol - in case anyone wanted to know. I brought home a lot of literature to read and learn more about all of the above medical terms and medications. As I learn, I'll educate you as well! : )
The results of this ONCO testing will also tell us if I need 4, 5, or 6 treatments. Dr. Hohl was pretty sure that he still wants to do them every three weeks. If the chances are low of me getting it again, I will only need 4 treatments and higher risk obviously means 6 treatments. I will also still undergo radiation after chemo as well. That will be an additional 4-6 weeks.
Dr. Hohl also ordered tests on the effectiveness of the hormonal treatment of my mildly positive estrogen levels in the tumor. The medication, which would also have been given during chemo, did not prove effective in treating the levels of estrogen. So, all that mumble-jumble means I will not be having hormone therapy because my tissue did not prove to be effected by the treatment.
Lastly, and hopefully FINALLY, I may be able to start treatment this Friday! I want very badly to get this show on the road! I'm not excited to be undergoing chemotherapy, but if I have to I'd like to get it started.
That's about all I learned today. I am VERY pleased with Dr. Hohl's thoroughness and my decision to switch doctors has proven to be to my benefit. My other doctor, he who shall not be named, was ready to treat me with adriamycin and hormone therapy.
Pray for patience! It's really just a matter of time now... FINALLY!

March 6, 2011

The last few nights I have not been able to follow my new "routine sleep pattern." The thoughts of chemotherapy are keeping me awake and when I sleep it's giving me bad dreams. SO much of my cancer treatment is depending on what I'm told tomorrow that I'm half worried and half relieved that it's already the week to start SOMETHING. I've not been able to tell people my plans for any future dates until I find out the plan tomorrow. I guess it's the unknown that makes the next steps so hard. Yes, I want to get started with chemo so I am that much closer to being done, and hopefully this nagging feeling that I'm no longer in control will subside. The medicine Dr. Hohl chooses, whatever that might be, puts us in control again by killing any microscopic cancer pieces that may have originated from my tumor. I'm just nervous about how I will feel after my treatments. A woman who recently finished her treatment was departing the U at the same time as Chad and me after one of my appointments. She insisted I take the nausea pill they offer... I got the feeling she did not and regretted it greatly! So nausea is definitely not something I'm looking forward to. Already fighting fatigue since this Fall, I'm afraid the treatment will zap me even more. AND MOSTLY, I don't want to be so sick it scares my kids.
My best friend, and soon to be beautiful bride, has her third shower this weekend in Peoria. I'm hoping to make it, but I have to wait to see when my first treatment will be this week and how I'm feeling. I want so much to be a part of this because there won't be any repeats with this exciting day in her life.
Jenna and I got to attend her second shower this weekend, which I cannot find my memory card or I'd put up pics of this weekend. While we were up that way, I decided to show Jenna where mommy worked when she was growing up (the soda fountain), the house she grew up in, schools she went to, and church mommy and daddy were married in. It was a beautiful experience to share with Jenna. She was very interested and had so many questions.  I cannot believe how much my hometown has changed! (FYI for any 96ers reading this - Fantasy Funland is NO MORE!!! The beautiful wood has been replaced by, yep you guessed it, PLASTIC!!!) It's funny how you never forget how to maneuver around town. Now getting from Gladbrook to Grundy Center, that was a different story! Vicky (my Tom Tom that the kids named) got me there on about 8-9 miles of gravel! Still chuckling to myself. Jenna asked, "Mom, why do you keep looking this way and that way and not just in front of you?" To which I responded, honestly mind you, "Oh, Jenna, drivers have to watch for animals that might run out in front of them." Not COMPLETELY dishonest, just not the whole reason... I was trying to figure out where the heck I was! (Which will come as NO surprise to most!)
I'll close tonight with as much information for you as last week, but I needed to write somethings down before my head exploded! I'm excited to get some answers tomorrow!
I'M OPTIMISTICALLY NERVOUS!!!!

March 3, 2011

Well friends it's been a month since I've had surgery to remove my tumor. I have mixed emotions about where I'm at in the game, as far as feeling better or worse about my situation. The only thing I know for certain is that I have the MOST AMAZING support system anyone could ask for! I'm needing to sit down and start writing thank yous, but I think I'll be writing for several days! One cannot begin to understand the capacity of love poured out for one person until that person is actually in those shoes.
I'm feeling better obviously because I know the main tumor has been removed. It is no longer in control because it is no longer in its comfy resting spot where it had plans of growing and attaching itself to other parts of me. I'm also relieved to know I have a very competent doctor taking care of me; he talks to me like the person I am, not another person who also has their PhD.
There's a small part of me that is still worried about what is happening inside of me. The doctors talk about doing chemo because I have a fast spreading cancer. The cancerous tumor was removed, but what if a little piece of it is still floating around waiting to set up camp and start spreading... this is the one thing I worry about as the days keep adding up since surgery.
Next week is an important week, one that has seemed SO far away for several weeks. I'd be lying to say I'm not nervous, but I'm ready to get this show on the road! Monday I'll go to the doctor again, around 3. The doctor is telling me more about what his plan is for my treatment. I'm hanging on to the idea that I might get to only have to go for treatment every three weeks. I'm not nervous for the initial experience of chemo, but I'm more nervous about how my body will react to the medicine. There are so many questions that just can't be answered until I have my first treatment and sit back to see how my body will respond. Will I be able to continue teaching, how long will I feel yucky after the day of treatment, and most importantly (according to my wonderful 8th grade boys who are shaving their heads... COMPLETELY voluntarily) will I lose my hair? ALL of which seem very unimportant compared to those who face the question of how long do I have? I'm still so very grateful that I found my lump when I did. The fact that my tumor was a fast growing tumor and I found it so early on, I wonder how long it would have taken that tumor to develop. So many questions that most likely can't be answered, but those are still the thoughts that keep going through my head. I'm sure some of those questions are going through other people's heads too. I wish I had answers for my students, my substitute, the parents of my students. It feels so weird to say I feel "good" when asked how I'm feeling. I've yet to feel "sick." I've felt angry, sad, grateful, but mostly tired! I'm amazed at the capacity of a brain. I have a work brain 1, work brain 2, budget brain, mom brain, wife brain, friend brain, sometimes a self brain, but mostly these days a how-to-stay-positive brain. It's so tiresome!
My saving grace has been Shannon Musser; she TAKES things from me to grade. She got tired of me saying, "no, I've got it," and resorted to just taking papers, asking questions, and plugging in the numbers for me. I CANNOT imagine where I'd be without her help!
Some lifestyle changes I am attempting to make in the last month have been to go to bed and wake up at a somewhat consistent time, going for walks, and leaving work at work. I'm trying to be there more for my kids as their moods have been a complete roller coaster!
Well, it's drawing near my "bedtime" and I just wanted to update you all on how things are going. I'm sorry I don't have a lot of news, but I had to vent some thoughts before my pot boiled over. : )

February 26, 2011

It has been the MOST amazing weekend I've had in quite some time... and it's only Saturday. I was able to push cancer out of my brain, for the most part, for about 24 hours!
My best friend's shower at our home was amazing. She's going to be a very beautiful bride, and have very well stocked cupboards and a beautifully decorated home...thanks to At Home America and Tupperware! I couldn't have pulled it off without my support team of Marci, Laura, and mom... it was a late night, but very well worth it! Thanks to everyone who was able to make it; unfortunately, the weather kept some from being able to attend.
Next it was off to celebrate my birthday with some very dear friends. Once again I was showered with love and gifts, the best one being their friendships!
My tentative treatment schedule:
Dr. Hohl met with us on Monday and discussed some options, ideas, and theories about what our next step with chemo will look like. He believed once every 3 weeks would be sufficient and I believe it was 6 of those treatments. The side affects and actual dosage, medication, and plan were still TBA because Dr. Hohl needed time to get the rest of my slides to view. When we left the doctor's office we would know results by Friday, yesterday. Instead, I got a fax with a new release form for a different lab that does have my results from the tumor biopsy. Another delay of game!
So, on Monday, March 7th will be another appointment to figure our course of action.
I promise to keep you posted!

February 23, 2011

Well, tomorrow is another day... a day to turn another day older! As I look back at birthdays past, this birthday will be no different. Most birthdays as a child I can remember being sick. I even remember going up to our local Hardware Hank (Do those stores even exist anymore?) with my Grandpa Watkins and telling all the clerks, "I'm six and I'm sick." (I got one of those Champ monkeys in the red sweat suit; they came in blue and yellow too I think... do you remember those?)
It was 7 years ago I spent my birthday with chicken pox and meningitis. Last year I spent it in a neck brace. Some things just never change! I am very grateful that I will not be undergoing chemo on my birthday. It's not getting another year older I fear, but what my condition will be ON my birthday! : )
I've been happy to be at work with my students the last few days. I really thought I was ready to be at home, concentrating on developing a healthier lifestyle. I'm not sure there's anything healthier than the laughter my students bring me! The posters, cards, and visits keep coming. All I have to do is look up and can find smiles and well-wishes.
As for the staff, I couldn't ask for more support. My substitute, even when she's not in the classroom getting paid, is stopping in picking up papers to help me get caught up with grading. Other colleagues have given up asking how they can help and simply gone to telling me how they are going to help!
The well-wishes keep coming in the mail as well; it's better than Christmas and of course more than a birthday! The love and support of my community never ceases to amaze me.
I'm more than ready to get started with treatment, but I believe I am suppose to enjoy my birthday so I'll wait one more week to get started. I think the waiting is hard now because my first 4 weeks of cancer were a blur because appointments were scheduled and procedures were done so quickly. It's hard to play the waiting game now.
The bills have also started to come from all of those doctor visits and procedures...YIKES! CANNOT imagine what it would be like to not have insurance!  The grand total of my surgery, drugs, anesthesiologist,  pathology, etc. on the day of the lumpectomy was only roughly $18,000.
The bills will come and go, the cards and posters will cease, but the love of the people who are supporting me will always be there... and for that I can NEVER fully express my appreciation! Thank you and love you all!

February 21, 2011

My 2 appointments today were pretty uneventful. 1st appointment, with the surgeon who performed my lumpectomy, he was happy with my healing and just wanted updated as far as the treatment plan. I informed him of my decision to go through the University and he commended me for taking control of my own health care. I'd recommend Dr. Light to anyone needing surgery!
2nd appointment was with Dr. Hohl. This was my first appointment with him and he just shared what he found with my test results and medical records I had transferred to him. Finding my way back to the cancer center at the University was a breeze... a step in the right direction! (Thanks Lisa for my last-minute confirmation.) I believe I even impressed my husband who believes I couldn't find my way out of a paper sack!
Dr. Hohl needs a couple more pathology slides to be transferred and then I will be starting my chemo. Unfortunately, for me anyways, Mercy needs their medical record release forms very specifically filled out. I completed this form again and the transfer will be done before week's end.  He also wants me to have another 1-2 weeks to completely heal from surgery.
So, as it stands I go back in two weeks for a finalized medication discussion and then start chemo a couple days after that; roughly March 9th. My chemo will only be one treatment every three weeks. Depending on how my body reacts to the medicine, I may even be able to work as much as my body will allow. No medicine shortage issues, no need for a port to be surgically placed, no COMPLETE lifestyle changes RIGHT NOW!
Love you all and thanks for your support!

February 20, 2011

This weekend has been a beautiful "reprieve" from cancer. Feeling as close to normal as I get it's easy to forget that I'm "sick." I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about it, but so much of what I did this weekend probably would have been complicated by actually being sick! The worst part about progressing into my world of cancer is that my next step may actually make me FEEL sick! It's been a long healing from my surgery, but I don't really have any restrictions from it. I'll be excited to show my surgeon tomorrow how wonderfully everything has healed.
Tomorrow is my first appointment with Dr. Hohl. I hope he has a plan and he's ready to execute! I'm ready to get this process started, so I can move on to the next step. I don't do well with sitting and waiting. This is probably why I'm not good at relinquishing control of my classroom/grading to those who offer to help so much. I'm making baby steps in that process as well though. My colleagues are ready to step up and help however I will let them. It's hard to admit that I need help. I definitely work with some of the world's most giving people.
So, to get my new lifestyle started, I'm heading to bed now. The doctor explained getting into a regular sleep pattern is very important to me.
Good night to the most beautiful people in the world! You ARE the reason I stay so strong!!
I'll try to get back on tomorrow evening so you'll know our plan of attack.

February 17, 2011

First of all let me just say I'm sorry for not having posted for a couple of days. I've been pretty tired and working on my best friend's wedding shower. She's real picky and I had many drafts to complete before it was given the okay... JK!
I'm happy to report that Chad and I got a full night's sleep last night! After Monday's appointment, which left our heads spinning, we were very unsettled.  Yesterday we had good news and feel much more at ease with how my treatment will be administered.
Monday's appointment, with a doctor who will not be named, was a nightmare. We started the day with an appointment with Dr. Tewfik, the doctor would be administering the radiation. She knew my case very well and explained things in a manner that I could understand. Unfortunately, I have to start with chemo and THEN do radiation. If she could have just administered all of my treatment I would have totally stayed at the Iowa Cancer Center, at Mercy Hospital. BUT, as I said above, the doctor I saw in the afternoon confused, irritated, and left our heads spinning. The worst news was that the medicine that I need for chemotherapy is in shortage, nation-wide. Chad and I had plenty to discuss on our trip home! At both appointments I felt like I was an oddity; the doctors couldn't believe how young I was to be having breast cancer without ANY family history. Dr. Hewhoshallnotbenamed believes in holistic medicine, and that was what he overwhelmed us with at our first appointment. We didn't feel like getting chemo started was his first priority.
By Monday evening I had decided I wanted to switch doctors. This is too big of a deal to "settle" for a doctor. Unfortunately, switching doctors within an office that only has two doctors was not going to be a smart choice. AND he was going to try and do what he could to get me the medicine there is a shortage of. Didn't want to bite the hand that was feeding me!
We discussed everything from lifestyle changes to having a genetic defect that does not allow my body to correct DNA... whatever that's suppose to mean. I also have to have hormone therapy due to the excess estrogen found in the tumor. The only real concern with the tumor is just that it's a fast spreading cancer. Chemo will be done to kill any little cancer cells who might have slipped by the surgeon and/or tests and is setting up camp on any other body parts he likes.
SO, long story short... I collected my records, that I'm ALLOWED to (they're mine anyways; not only did they come from MY body, but I'M paying for them!!!!!!!) Yikes, and am I EVER paying for them. First set of bills came today for the MRI and biopsy! Sorry, I get off track easily!  I collected 3 sets of information and hand delivered them to the University of Iowa.
Monday I will see the doctor at the University and he will schedule my chemotherapy. I couldn't be happier about my decision to switch.
Well folks, trying to blog more, but getting VERY sleepy!
Good night to all of you! Please take care!

February 12, 2011

Well, I had my moment... and that's over! It was a little longer than expected, but it's over. When Pastor Helen confirmed that it's okay to be mad at God, it's like hearing it from "the man" himself! : ) For me, it's not even about being mad- more like curious...Why? But I am over it and I DO know that "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." He's given me strength through this verse-even before cancer.

Today in the Dollar Store I saw my role model and mentor, our beloved Grandma Jean. What a rock and source of strength! For any of you who have not had the privilege of meeting the amazing Jean Edwards, she is an 89 year-old woman who was a grandmother to my children during my working hours. The first day we met her, and for the first several months that she took care of Clayton, we swore she was no older than 60 years-old; she was on the floor playing with him, took him for walks, and cooking him gourmet lunches. In April that spring we received an invitation to her 80th, yes I said 80th, birthday party. From that point on Grandma Jean was not only a new member of our family, but our role model. (We still want to be like her when we grow up.)

We learned about 10 days before I found my lump that Grandma Jean had been diagnosed with breast cancer. When I saw her today I realized that if a woman as amazing as her can fight I just need to put on my big girl panties and get after this! She's STILL my hero!

I also realized that while I keep saying that I cannot do this without friends, Thursday and Friday evening proved that. The one phone call I did make to a friend made me giggle uncontrollably. After a day at work on Friday, of being sore all day and extremely tired, I just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep my worries away. Instead, friends delivered a meal and then I ended up sitting up until 11 doing Perler beads with a friend. 

It was Friday evening that I decided having a positive attitude does mean EVERYTHING. I felt emotionally bad and that caused me to feel physically bad. While I do have some physical healing to do from my surgery, I haven't felt as bad as I did on Friday since the day after surgery. I'm s-l-o-w-l-y beginning to believe the things I might have been just superficially saying in the beginning. How about that saying every day is a gift? As the days draw nearer to chemo, how TRUE it is that each and every day that I feel well enough to do something I sure as heck better be!

So as I head into this next part of my journey, if you haven't seen me in awhile and I live near you, feel free to call me and tell me to get my butt out of the house because today is a gift! We wish for our young children to hurry to the next "phase;" rolling over, crawling, walking, out of daycare, (which I'm not going to lie... that was an AWESOME one~ cha-ching!) etc. DON'T, DON'T, D-O-N'-T!! I'm sitting here staring at my babies wondering where the days all went. I also think in my profession we start the school year looking forward to summer, and before you know it summer is over. We wish away too much time. Take the time to look at the stars, to play a game with the kids, read a good book, stage a sneak snowball attack from the bedroom patio (right mom!), do something- other than wish for Friday when it's only Monday or May when it's only August!

Grandma Jean was the first one to be understanding that "we're all just so busy," but you know what? Shame on us! Slow down, if even just for an hour of your day, and take time to cherish your gift of today!

After the Appointment...

Today's appointment may have been the hardest one yet. Hard to believe hearing the word chemo is harder than hearing the word cancer... but, it was. So many things come to mind when knowing I'm going to have to work through another treatment method than what I was hoping for. I really liked the idea of doing chemo in the form of a pill, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.
Dr. Report - all 4 lymph nodes that he removed were cancer free! YEAH! The tumor was 1.8 cm. From what I was told today stage 1 cancer is a tumor 1-2 cm, stage 2 is 3-5 cm, etc. Since there was no cancer in the lymph nodes that places me in the stage 1 of cancer. Within each stage there is A, B, & C. The letter assigned to the stage is according to the aggressiveness of the cancer in the tumor. My cancer is/was (not sure on correct terminology since it's "been removed") determined to be moderately aggressive so I am "classified" as 1C. So due to the aggressive nature of my tumor I am therefore having to do my chemo intravenously. I do not know much more than that as Dr. Light was wishing not to tell me too much; he'd rather let the cancer doctors talk to me on Monday.
So, Valentine's Day it is. Monday at 8:30 and 2:30 we will meet with the doctors who will be doing my chemotherapy and radiation. We should know more than we want to then. Can't imagine a more romantic date with my husband than visiting the oncology ward of the hospital.
Chemo is scary, but having my kids see me be sick and worrying about money is equally as scary. I'd be lying if I said those things aren't what I'm scared about too. "I wanna be a millionaire, so frickin' bad." LOL... just came to mind. : ) Of all the song lyrics... those are really what I thought of!
BUT, I honestly know it's going to be okay. I have SO many wonderful friends and family that they'll make everything okay! I truly love each and everyone of you and for my praying supports... keep 'em coming. It's going to be a little longer haul than I was hoping for.
Thanks to everyone for positive thoughts... mine will be back tomorrow. They've gone on vacation for about 12 hours.

February 10, 2011

WELL, Thursday has finally come! I'm feeling good, I can even get myself dressed like a big girl! : )
Minutes are ticking away until I leave for the doctor. tick-eternity-tick-eternity-tick...
I'm excited to learn about the next steps... bring it on, but let's get going!
Yesterday on GMA and in an article a friend sent to me the new method for removing lymph nodes, sentinel nodes, was being reviewed. It's an innovative method for doctors to get away from removing all of the lymph nodes, hopefully preventing the disabling condition called lymphedema. Not all surgeons are using this method as of today because it is such a new procedure. Patients who this procedure was first done on 6 years ago and were followed, 92% of them are 5 years free of cancer still. Very exciting news and one more reason for me to know that God is truly in the passenger seat on this ride! The University of Washington-Seattle Cancer Care Alliance began removing fewer lymph nodes at the end of last year. My surgeon received his education and did his training, residencies and such, in Washington. I think back to my "interrogation" of this doctor, when I was trying to decide if he was the "one" I wanted to continue seeing and have him do my actual surgery. As this two hour process unfolded it was the big man who put my mind at ease and led me to stay with him. He would have been a part of this training, debate, and ultimately probably looked on with one of the procedures in Washington.
What an amazing sign from God that everything is going to be all right! And for this reason, I know I have nothing to worry about as I go to my appointment today!
I'll be back on later this evening to update with what the doctor did say.
Thanks again SO very much for the continued support and prayers! I will continue to "fight like a girl" but only with all of you in my corner of the ring!