March 6, 2011

The last few nights I have not been able to follow my new "routine sleep pattern." The thoughts of chemotherapy are keeping me awake and when I sleep it's giving me bad dreams. SO much of my cancer treatment is depending on what I'm told tomorrow that I'm half worried and half relieved that it's already the week to start SOMETHING. I've not been able to tell people my plans for any future dates until I find out the plan tomorrow. I guess it's the unknown that makes the next steps so hard. Yes, I want to get started with chemo so I am that much closer to being done, and hopefully this nagging feeling that I'm no longer in control will subside. The medicine Dr. Hohl chooses, whatever that might be, puts us in control again by killing any microscopic cancer pieces that may have originated from my tumor. I'm just nervous about how I will feel after my treatments. A woman who recently finished her treatment was departing the U at the same time as Chad and me after one of my appointments. She insisted I take the nausea pill they offer... I got the feeling she did not and regretted it greatly! So nausea is definitely not something I'm looking forward to. Already fighting fatigue since this Fall, I'm afraid the treatment will zap me even more. AND MOSTLY, I don't want to be so sick it scares my kids.
My best friend, and soon to be beautiful bride, has her third shower this weekend in Peoria. I'm hoping to make it, but I have to wait to see when my first treatment will be this week and how I'm feeling. I want so much to be a part of this because there won't be any repeats with this exciting day in her life.
Jenna and I got to attend her second shower this weekend, which I cannot find my memory card or I'd put up pics of this weekend. While we were up that way, I decided to show Jenna where mommy worked when she was growing up (the soda fountain), the house she grew up in, schools she went to, and church mommy and daddy were married in. It was a beautiful experience to share with Jenna. She was very interested and had so many questions.  I cannot believe how much my hometown has changed! (FYI for any 96ers reading this - Fantasy Funland is NO MORE!!! The beautiful wood has been replaced by, yep you guessed it, PLASTIC!!!) It's funny how you never forget how to maneuver around town. Now getting from Gladbrook to Grundy Center, that was a different story! Vicky (my Tom Tom that the kids named) got me there on about 8-9 miles of gravel! Still chuckling to myself. Jenna asked, "Mom, why do you keep looking this way and that way and not just in front of you?" To which I responded, honestly mind you, "Oh, Jenna, drivers have to watch for animals that might run out in front of them." Not COMPLETELY dishonest, just not the whole reason... I was trying to figure out where the heck I was! (Which will come as NO surprise to most!)
I'll close tonight with as much information for you as last week, but I needed to write somethings down before my head exploded! I'm excited to get some answers tomorrow!
I'M OPTIMISTICALLY NERVOUS!!!!