February 12, 2011

Well, I had my moment... and that's over! It was a little longer than expected, but it's over. When Pastor Helen confirmed that it's okay to be mad at God, it's like hearing it from "the man" himself! : ) For me, it's not even about being mad- more like curious...Why? But I am over it and I DO know that "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." He's given me strength through this verse-even before cancer.

Today in the Dollar Store I saw my role model and mentor, our beloved Grandma Jean. What a rock and source of strength! For any of you who have not had the privilege of meeting the amazing Jean Edwards, she is an 89 year-old woman who was a grandmother to my children during my working hours. The first day we met her, and for the first several months that she took care of Clayton, we swore she was no older than 60 years-old; she was on the floor playing with him, took him for walks, and cooking him gourmet lunches. In April that spring we received an invitation to her 80th, yes I said 80th, birthday party. From that point on Grandma Jean was not only a new member of our family, but our role model. (We still want to be like her when we grow up.)

We learned about 10 days before I found my lump that Grandma Jean had been diagnosed with breast cancer. When I saw her today I realized that if a woman as amazing as her can fight I just need to put on my big girl panties and get after this! She's STILL my hero!

I also realized that while I keep saying that I cannot do this without friends, Thursday and Friday evening proved that. The one phone call I did make to a friend made me giggle uncontrollably. After a day at work on Friday, of being sore all day and extremely tired, I just wanted to curl up in bed and sleep my worries away. Instead, friends delivered a meal and then I ended up sitting up until 11 doing Perler beads with a friend. 

It was Friday evening that I decided having a positive attitude does mean EVERYTHING. I felt emotionally bad and that caused me to feel physically bad. While I do have some physical healing to do from my surgery, I haven't felt as bad as I did on Friday since the day after surgery. I'm s-l-o-w-l-y beginning to believe the things I might have been just superficially saying in the beginning. How about that saying every day is a gift? As the days draw nearer to chemo, how TRUE it is that each and every day that I feel well enough to do something I sure as heck better be!

So as I head into this next part of my journey, if you haven't seen me in awhile and I live near you, feel free to call me and tell me to get my butt out of the house because today is a gift! We wish for our young children to hurry to the next "phase;" rolling over, crawling, walking, out of daycare, (which I'm not going to lie... that was an AWESOME one~ cha-ching!) etc. DON'T, DON'T, D-O-N'-T!! I'm sitting here staring at my babies wondering where the days all went. I also think in my profession we start the school year looking forward to summer, and before you know it summer is over. We wish away too much time. Take the time to look at the stars, to play a game with the kids, read a good book, stage a sneak snowball attack from the bedroom patio (right mom!), do something- other than wish for Friday when it's only Monday or May when it's only August!

Grandma Jean was the first one to be understanding that "we're all just so busy," but you know what? Shame on us! Slow down, if even just for an hour of your day, and take time to cherish your gift of today!