After Chemo

Today went very well. Dr. Hohl was a bit behind, so treatment did not start until 3:30. We were done just in time to catch the 5:15 traffic of everyone leaving work. : )
I'm feeling pretty good so far. Just a minor headache and very warm... can't cool down! YIKES!
It's hopefully a sign of better days ahead than after last-time's treatment. Tomorrow's a new day AND
I'M HALF DONE WITH TREATMENTS!!

Pregame for Round 2

Tonight is a little nerve-racking as I head back tomorrow for my second round of treatment. I don't think tomorrow will be terrible, but as the chemo works its way out of my body over the next 4-5 days I know it's going to be rough. I've defied the odds - as far as losing my hair - so far, but I'm not holding my breath this time around. It's been a wonderfully humorous miracle for me and anyone else who has been able to see me in the last couple of weeks. Dr. Hohl gave me 3-4 days, as I understood, to start losing my hair. I have a prescription for a hair prosthesis, have purchased some hats/turbans/scarfs (thank you Paula), and have prepared my children for the event - but to no avail. It has almost become a standing joke for my visitors... "prepare yourself to see me - I STILL HAVE MY HAIR!!" If you don't have a sense of humor, then your doomed from the start!
So, I've come to realize that most people are very curious about the whole experience of chemo - as was I until two weeks ago. I guess the movies do a terrible job of portraying yet another life event!! While I am hardly a beautiful sight to see while working through the chemotherapy drugs, I don't feel it's as bad as I imagined (or saw on TV). The doctors, nurses, and everyone at the hospital make the experience as comfortable as possible. While I'm on a heavy dose treatment schedule, there are survivors who have shared that treatments can take place one day after the other. Bless them for being so strong! It is VERY important for people to understand that one person's chemo varies from most other's in the chemo ward; the medicines are different, people react differently, and it's not predictable as to how people's bodies will accept/reject the medicine. For those who are curious, I'll walk you through what tomorrow will look like:

• 11:15 - I will have labs. They draw blood to check my red and white blood count and platelet level.
• It is actually possible that I could not get treatment b/c those numbers are not in the right range. This is why it's critical for me to take care in not getting sick and avoid crowds/public places.
• 12:00 - I will see Dr. Hohl and he will check in with me - just seeing how things have been going. He then orders the medicines I need for treatment.
• 1:00 - I will be at the chemo ward for treatment. Nurse Sara told me that patients can wait 1 or 2 hours for pharmacy to deliver the medicine the doctor ordered. She also informed us that an appointment for chemo means plan on being at the hospital all day!
• After being hooked up to the IV, which makes me wish I had gone the port route, they will start the basic saline/water solution. I'm going to have to ask the nurse to see the actual needle tomorrow, because I SWEAR that sucker is very long. Last time when I thought the nurse had the needle placed, she pushed it in a little further, then a little further, and even just a little further! Chad was no help in recalling the needle length as he reassured me there was NO way he looked at the needle. The needle placement is very critical as my first medication cannot leak outside of the vein b/c it can cause tissue damage, comforting right!
• While being given the saline solution I am also administered 3 different prescriptions for nausea and 1 steroid. I was worried about losing all of my "buffness" so I asked for the steroid...JK - it actually increases the effectiveness of the anti-nausea medications.
• The first chemo drug is administered via a needle inserted into the IV pic line. The medication is actually tinted red so that the nurse can watch the medicine go in. The "push" takes about 15 minutes as there are two syringes with the medicine in it.
• Next, the nurse hooks up the second medicine to be administered through the IV with a slow drip. This medicine takes about an hour/ hour and a half to be given.
• Lastly, the saline/water solution is run for about 15 more minutes. This is done so all of the medicine can be flushed through the tube.
• And then I head home. So I guess the duration of our stay in the chemo ward depends on how backed up the pharmacy is! 

As I stated above, I have no expectations for the rest of the week. It is nice knowing, for the most part, what to expect. The next day I will return for my shot of medicine to help boost my white blood cell count again, and then I will sleep away the next few days. Mom will be back to stay with us again tomorrow; she will wake me every 2-3 hours to make me eat. I'm sure she's enjoyed her vacation away from us...actually I talked to her Saturday and she had the flu Jenna and I had earlier in the week.
The last few days have provided for my family the time we needed to play, watch movies, giggle, and just be "healthy." Jenna pulled out her second loose tooth - by herself! Kyler has been very clingy this weekend so I'm a little afraid he may be affected a little more this week with my being sick. He's been snuggling, which any sane mother wouldn't turn down, and being protective in playful situations. Clayton got to stay at a friend's house Friday, so his weekend was perfect in his eyes from that point on. He even beat me in bowling on the Wii today by 7 pins so that topped off his weekend! Laughter has been my best medicine this weekend as each minute ticking away was one minute closer to Monday's treatment. I can always count on my Lisa to leave me in stitches, because it is ONLY cancer! Saturday's company left my ribs sore as my neighbor Laura has learned quite a bit about animal instincts growing up on a farm and my beloved Marci has more goalie instincts than I realized - which gave her an edge and ultimately the win in the game! Loved hearing the kids' voices and laughter as they played, between episodes of tattling. Today, well it was a nice day spent with Grandma and Grandpa Thurm. An example of how this sickness is affecting me.... CHAD went shopping with grandma today and I stayed home with grandpa and the kids to play games! No public places or crowds might be just what Dave Ramsey ordered for our budget! My weekend capped off with another gracious gift from some very thoughtful and giving people (not to mention awesome pepper players apparently).
My family and I continue to be overwhelmed with the amount of support we are given each and every day! I know I just keep repeating myself when I say this, but there are no words that we can say to truly show how grateful we are to all of the people who have opened their arms, hearts, and faith to be a part of the amazing outpouring of support we've received!! I hope for all of the wonderful people planning the benefit that Saturday is AWESOME!!!! Just remember, NO matter what shakes down on Saturday, but everything WILL run smoothly, you are SO greatly appreciated, admired, and loved in many, many, many, many ways.
Well my friends, I'm afraid it's that time... BED TIME! I can hear my bed calling my name!
Good night!

March 22, 2011

Well my friends, it's been a pretty tough week and I'm sorry this is the first I am able to report to you. My positive outlook was shifted only momentarily out of neutral from time to time; and it wasn't for the best. Thrush, migraines, and constant nausea kicked my butt! I came to a couple of conclusions last week and one of them was that it's not going to be as easy as I anticipated it would be to stay positive. Another being there's no way I can work if each treatment will be the same; at my dr apt yesterday I asked for a note explaining that I won't be back until treatment is done. With any luck things will get easier and I'll just have to get another note that voids the first! My kids are in great hands with their substitute, but I miss them already after only one week. I'll just have to communicate with them via technology.
Monday wasn't terrible, but each subsequent day got a little rougher. I slept quite a bit, only being woken up to eat - which ironically I've not been a fan of since treatment. I thought instead of recapping all of the negative, I'd highlight the positives:

• Kyler, Chad, and Clayton's basketball tournament on Saturday - they did AMAZING as always! Very proud of our 4th grade boys and how far they've come in the last couple of months. Wish I could have been there, but I'm sure you looked as amazing as your scores were!
• Still have my hair - it is a different texture though, FOR SURE! (hats are "optional" at this point)
• Cinnamon roll from the Landmark - TOTALLY hit the spot; you're the greatest Pam!
• Cards galore - from my students and still getting them in the mail
• Megan S. stopping to see me - I do remember even though the doctor prescribed some Vicodin for the headaches.
• Porch talk with Laura and pillow talk with Marci : )
• 1 treatment closer to being done!
• My new caring caps from the Woolen Needle
• My chemo nurse Sara... wanted to definitely bring her home with me!
• A visit from the Flander boys - oh yeah, and Kristin : )
• Heather, Josh, and Mary stopping over to talk about the wedding... exciting! Can't wait to see my boys in their tuxes and Jenna in her princess dress... oh yeah, and the beautiful bride! : )
• My wig will be covered by insurance... when I get one!
• My sub Shannon; did I already mention her??? Because every other thing I'm thankful for should just be followed by Shannon!
• Updates about the benefit: my heart swells a little more each time I hear about more ways people are pouring their love out for my family! 
• Beautiful weather  - when I did make it outside to walk the block it was beautiful and sun shiny! LOVE that I'm able to let the coming of spring help me through my depression! What's not to love about the birds singing in the morning and the sun pouring in through the windows!?!?!?!?!
• And of course my family - my mom's been stepping in to fill my "mom" shoes, far more patiently than she did with me of course when I was that age! : ) JK mom! 
• The sound of my children coming in the door after school, for the first 5-10 minutes that is! 
• Phone calls and cutely colored pictures from my nieces and mother-in-law. 
• My kids crawling in bed to snuggle with me! Sorry Chad, I know you lost out on the bed a couple of nights, but it was worth it....RIGHT?!
• My husband holding my hand right through it all... can't imagine doing it alone!

So, this week is like the calm before the storm... or the anticipation of the trip to the hospital to go through labor. I saw Dr. Hohl yesterday and we are trying different anti-nausea medicine in the hopes that will help my headaches disappear. Everything else looked good so I think we're on the right track. A final report, I think, on the biopsy showed my chances of breast cancer returning around 34%, IF I did no further treatment. Since I am choosing to follow my lumpectomy with chemo and radiation that lowers it to about 10%. A much better number and a good reminder for why I have to just stay strong and hang in there.

Next Monday I'll be half done with my treatments! THAT in itself is absolutely motivating! I don't dread radiation because it sounds "painless" and I believe I will welcome that change in the treatment plan.

Well, closing with another word of thanks! Thanks for the meals, cards, gifts, visits, calls, and mostly, the prayers!

"I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me strength" -  B-O-U-N-T-I-F-U-L support!!!! 

 

March 15, 2011

Start the countdown: 1 treatment down, 3 to go!
So yesterday was the first day of chemo. Not as terrible as I thought, but last night and today have been a little rough. It's frustrating to be so weak and helpless; don't do helpless and weak very well.
The positive messages and calls have been awesome. I've only had one close call with vomiting and have been put on the Cadillac of medicines to avoid nausea... and am VERY thankful for that!
I learned yesterday I will be losing my hair 3-4 days after treatment and that I will be getting a shot the day after chemo each time in order to help my body replenish the white blood cells quicker as we will be using the adriomyacin and toxicycline each time and upping the amount of time between treatments from 3 weeks to 2. Because I am younger the doctor believes I can handle more of a dose heavy treatment in order to kick it quicker. I have to be careful to avoid environments that will put me at risk of being exposed to a lot of illnesses. The labs should be in later this week as to the hormone levels in my tumor. The medication I am given later will be determinate of those levels.
Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm hanging in there and didn't want to make you keep wondering. It's going to be a long haul, but I believe with all of your support it will be bearable!

March 13, 2011

Another successful shower for the beautiful bride-to-be! Chad and I traveled to Peoria this weekend to meet "the fam." Josh is blessed with a wonderful family and we were glad to be able to meet them. My cancer journey has been an up and down the last few days and it was nice to get away. Grandma Ilah took the kiddos so Chad and I have been able to have some time together.
As I stated earlier, Dr. Hohl's office was going to be getting a hold of me on Thursday. At lunch, 12:30, I decided I needed to call them as I had heard nothing at that point. Around 2:30, when the secretary asked if I needed a sub on Friday, I needed an answer so I called a second time. I left work at 4 not knowing if I'd be back the next day to teach or if I would be going to the hospital for treatment.
Around 4:15, when I called Chad to let him know the boys were getting their hair cut, he informed me the nurse had called him and said that my treatment wouldn't start until Monday. Later on that evening I received a voicemail from Dr. Hohl's nurse and she informed me that there were no openings on Friday, so I would be starting my treatment on Monday. She also said something about only needing four treatments, but now they would be every other week instead of every three weeks. I was excited for a couple of reasons; one, I would only be having treatment for 8 weeks instead of 18, and two, there were apparently good results of my tests.
On Friday, when I was able to speak with the nurse, I wasn't as pleasantly surprised. The testing Dr. Hohl was ordering would take two weeks to find out the results. But now that I am heading into my 6th week after surgery, there is a need to get treatment started. I was also disappointed to find out the plan includes treating me with the adramyacin, medicine, that I had hoped to avoid. BUT, the good news was that I could get started on Monday!
As Monday draws near I am nervous and happy at the same time. I'm very scared about the actual chemo, but I am happy to be getting started with the treatment.
Thanks to everyone again for the well-wishes, cards, and prayers!
So, I guess I'll head into this optimistically nervous... AGAIN!

March 7, 2011

Today is another hurry up and wait day. It's very hard to stay patient, but I appreciate Dr. Hohl's thoroughness. 
Here is what I learned today:
- there are two drugs that he knows he would like to treat me with 
- the third drug, the one there is currently a nation-wide shortage of, is the one he wants to make sure I need
- the hormone therapy, at first considered to help with the medium-high levels of estrogen found in my tumor, was ineffective in their trials with my tumor
Dr. Hohl will be calling me on Thursday to talk about what the results of the ONCO type Dx test. (not exactly sure about spelling or abbreviations with that) Basically this test will tell the likelihood of my breast cancer coming back. If the odds look fairly high then he will go ahead and administer the adriamycin, the third drug, along with the other two. In test cases including the medication adriamycin patients had heart complications 30-40 years down the road. If my test results show that the chances are not very likely then he will avoid using this drug, for obvious reasons. The two other drugs, that will be included in my treatment, are cytoxan and taxol - in case anyone wanted to know. I brought home a lot of literature to read and learn more about all of the above medical terms and medications. As I learn, I'll educate you as well! : )
The results of this ONCO testing will also tell us if I need 4, 5, or 6 treatments. Dr. Hohl was pretty sure that he still wants to do them every three weeks. If the chances are low of me getting it again, I will only need 4 treatments and higher risk obviously means 6 treatments. I will also still undergo radiation after chemo as well. That will be an additional 4-6 weeks.
Dr. Hohl also ordered tests on the effectiveness of the hormonal treatment of my mildly positive estrogen levels in the tumor. The medication, which would also have been given during chemo, did not prove effective in treating the levels of estrogen. So, all that mumble-jumble means I will not be having hormone therapy because my tissue did not prove to be effected by the treatment.
Lastly, and hopefully FINALLY, I may be able to start treatment this Friday! I want very badly to get this show on the road! I'm not excited to be undergoing chemotherapy, but if I have to I'd like to get it started.
That's about all I learned today. I am VERY pleased with Dr. Hohl's thoroughness and my decision to switch doctors has proven to be to my benefit. My other doctor, he who shall not be named, was ready to treat me with adriamycin and hormone therapy.
Pray for patience! It's really just a matter of time now... FINALLY!

March 6, 2011

The last few nights I have not been able to follow my new "routine sleep pattern." The thoughts of chemotherapy are keeping me awake and when I sleep it's giving me bad dreams. SO much of my cancer treatment is depending on what I'm told tomorrow that I'm half worried and half relieved that it's already the week to start SOMETHING. I've not been able to tell people my plans for any future dates until I find out the plan tomorrow. I guess it's the unknown that makes the next steps so hard. Yes, I want to get started with chemo so I am that much closer to being done, and hopefully this nagging feeling that I'm no longer in control will subside. The medicine Dr. Hohl chooses, whatever that might be, puts us in control again by killing any microscopic cancer pieces that may have originated from my tumor. I'm just nervous about how I will feel after my treatments. A woman who recently finished her treatment was departing the U at the same time as Chad and me after one of my appointments. She insisted I take the nausea pill they offer... I got the feeling she did not and regretted it greatly! So nausea is definitely not something I'm looking forward to. Already fighting fatigue since this Fall, I'm afraid the treatment will zap me even more. AND MOSTLY, I don't want to be so sick it scares my kids.
My best friend, and soon to be beautiful bride, has her third shower this weekend in Peoria. I'm hoping to make it, but I have to wait to see when my first treatment will be this week and how I'm feeling. I want so much to be a part of this because there won't be any repeats with this exciting day in her life.
Jenna and I got to attend her second shower this weekend, which I cannot find my memory card or I'd put up pics of this weekend. While we were up that way, I decided to show Jenna where mommy worked when she was growing up (the soda fountain), the house she grew up in, schools she went to, and church mommy and daddy were married in. It was a beautiful experience to share with Jenna. She was very interested and had so many questions.  I cannot believe how much my hometown has changed! (FYI for any 96ers reading this - Fantasy Funland is NO MORE!!! The beautiful wood has been replaced by, yep you guessed it, PLASTIC!!!) It's funny how you never forget how to maneuver around town. Now getting from Gladbrook to Grundy Center, that was a different story! Vicky (my Tom Tom that the kids named) got me there on about 8-9 miles of gravel! Still chuckling to myself. Jenna asked, "Mom, why do you keep looking this way and that way and not just in front of you?" To which I responded, honestly mind you, "Oh, Jenna, drivers have to watch for animals that might run out in front of them." Not COMPLETELY dishonest, just not the whole reason... I was trying to figure out where the heck I was! (Which will come as NO surprise to most!)
I'll close tonight with as much information for you as last week, but I needed to write somethings down before my head exploded! I'm excited to get some answers tomorrow!
I'M OPTIMISTICALLY NERVOUS!!!!

March 3, 2011

Well friends it's been a month since I've had surgery to remove my tumor. I have mixed emotions about where I'm at in the game, as far as feeling better or worse about my situation. The only thing I know for certain is that I have the MOST AMAZING support system anyone could ask for! I'm needing to sit down and start writing thank yous, but I think I'll be writing for several days! One cannot begin to understand the capacity of love poured out for one person until that person is actually in those shoes.
I'm feeling better obviously because I know the main tumor has been removed. It is no longer in control because it is no longer in its comfy resting spot where it had plans of growing and attaching itself to other parts of me. I'm also relieved to know I have a very competent doctor taking care of me; he talks to me like the person I am, not another person who also has their PhD.
There's a small part of me that is still worried about what is happening inside of me. The doctors talk about doing chemo because I have a fast spreading cancer. The cancerous tumor was removed, but what if a little piece of it is still floating around waiting to set up camp and start spreading... this is the one thing I worry about as the days keep adding up since surgery.
Next week is an important week, one that has seemed SO far away for several weeks. I'd be lying to say I'm not nervous, but I'm ready to get this show on the road! Monday I'll go to the doctor again, around 3. The doctor is telling me more about what his plan is for my treatment. I'm hanging on to the idea that I might get to only have to go for treatment every three weeks. I'm not nervous for the initial experience of chemo, but I'm more nervous about how my body will react to the medicine. There are so many questions that just can't be answered until I have my first treatment and sit back to see how my body will respond. Will I be able to continue teaching, how long will I feel yucky after the day of treatment, and most importantly (according to my wonderful 8th grade boys who are shaving their heads... COMPLETELY voluntarily) will I lose my hair? ALL of which seem very unimportant compared to those who face the question of how long do I have? I'm still so very grateful that I found my lump when I did. The fact that my tumor was a fast growing tumor and I found it so early on, I wonder how long it would have taken that tumor to develop. So many questions that most likely can't be answered, but those are still the thoughts that keep going through my head. I'm sure some of those questions are going through other people's heads too. I wish I had answers for my students, my substitute, the parents of my students. It feels so weird to say I feel "good" when asked how I'm feeling. I've yet to feel "sick." I've felt angry, sad, grateful, but mostly tired! I'm amazed at the capacity of a brain. I have a work brain 1, work brain 2, budget brain, mom brain, wife brain, friend brain, sometimes a self brain, but mostly these days a how-to-stay-positive brain. It's so tiresome!
My saving grace has been Shannon Musser; she TAKES things from me to grade. She got tired of me saying, "no, I've got it," and resorted to just taking papers, asking questions, and plugging in the numbers for me. I CANNOT imagine where I'd be without her help!
Some lifestyle changes I am attempting to make in the last month have been to go to bed and wake up at a somewhat consistent time, going for walks, and leaving work at work. I'm trying to be there more for my kids as their moods have been a complete roller coaster!
Well, it's drawing near my "bedtime" and I just wanted to update you all on how things are going. I'm sorry I don't have a lot of news, but I had to vent some thoughts before my pot boiled over. : )