March 22, 2011

Well my friends, it's been a pretty tough week and I'm sorry this is the first I am able to report to you. My positive outlook was shifted only momentarily out of neutral from time to time; and it wasn't for the best. Thrush, migraines, and constant nausea kicked my butt! I came to a couple of conclusions last week and one of them was that it's not going to be as easy as I anticipated it would be to stay positive. Another being there's no way I can work if each treatment will be the same; at my dr apt yesterday I asked for a note explaining that I won't be back until treatment is done. With any luck things will get easier and I'll just have to get another note that voids the first! My kids are in great hands with their substitute, but I miss them already after only one week. I'll just have to communicate with them via technology.
Monday wasn't terrible, but each subsequent day got a little rougher. I slept quite a bit, only being woken up to eat - which ironically I've not been a fan of since treatment. I thought instead of recapping all of the negative, I'd highlight the positives:

• Kyler, Chad, and Clayton's basketball tournament on Saturday - they did AMAZING as always! Very proud of our 4th grade boys and how far they've come in the last couple of months. Wish I could have been there, but I'm sure you looked as amazing as your scores were!
• Still have my hair - it is a different texture though, FOR SURE! (hats are "optional" at this point)
• Cinnamon roll from the Landmark - TOTALLY hit the spot; you're the greatest Pam!
• Cards galore - from my students and still getting them in the mail
• Megan S. stopping to see me - I do remember even though the doctor prescribed some Vicodin for the headaches.
• Porch talk with Laura and pillow talk with Marci : )
• 1 treatment closer to being done!
• My new caring caps from the Woolen Needle
• My chemo nurse Sara... wanted to definitely bring her home with me!
• A visit from the Flander boys - oh yeah, and Kristin : )
• Heather, Josh, and Mary stopping over to talk about the wedding... exciting! Can't wait to see my boys in their tuxes and Jenna in her princess dress... oh yeah, and the beautiful bride! : )
• My wig will be covered by insurance... when I get one!
• My sub Shannon; did I already mention her??? Because every other thing I'm thankful for should just be followed by Shannon!
• Updates about the benefit: my heart swells a little more each time I hear about more ways people are pouring their love out for my family! 
• Beautiful weather  - when I did make it outside to walk the block it was beautiful and sun shiny! LOVE that I'm able to let the coming of spring help me through my depression! What's not to love about the birds singing in the morning and the sun pouring in through the windows!?!?!?!?!
• And of course my family - my mom's been stepping in to fill my "mom" shoes, far more patiently than she did with me of course when I was that age! : ) JK mom! 
• The sound of my children coming in the door after school, for the first 5-10 minutes that is! 
• Phone calls and cutely colored pictures from my nieces and mother-in-law. 
• My kids crawling in bed to snuggle with me! Sorry Chad, I know you lost out on the bed a couple of nights, but it was worth it....RIGHT?!
• My husband holding my hand right through it all... can't imagine doing it alone!

So, this week is like the calm before the storm... or the anticipation of the trip to the hospital to go through labor. I saw Dr. Hohl yesterday and we are trying different anti-nausea medicine in the hopes that will help my headaches disappear. Everything else looked good so I think we're on the right track. A final report, I think, on the biopsy showed my chances of breast cancer returning around 34%, IF I did no further treatment. Since I am choosing to follow my lumpectomy with chemo and radiation that lowers it to about 10%. A much better number and a good reminder for why I have to just stay strong and hang in there.

Next Monday I'll be half done with my treatments! THAT in itself is absolutely motivating! I don't dread radiation because it sounds "painless" and I believe I will welcome that change in the treatment plan.

Well, closing with another word of thanks! Thanks for the meals, cards, gifts, visits, calls, and mostly, the prayers!

"I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me strength" -  B-O-U-N-T-I-F-U-L support!!!!