3 of 4 "DONE"

The easy part of treatment is done. While it is nice to say 3 of the 4 treatments are done; until my body rids itself of the chemo I really don't consider it done. Anyone can be hooked up to an IV and let medicines be run into them... but the hard part is the tastes, dry tongue, nausea, and fatigue. I'll feel better when it's out of my system... then I'll say "YEAH! 3/4 of the way there!"
"HOLY BAT-HOT FLASHES CAT WOMAN!"
Another great symptom associated with receiving chemotherapy and being a woman... yeppers! On Monday during treatment, while sitting in the vinyl chair I began having a hot flash...cold wash clothes and fans- STAT!!
My nurse was kind enough to inform me that the sudden bursts of heat I had been and was currently experiencing was what she called a state in which women have medication-induced menopause... Just when I didn't think it could get any better!!! I asked if this would be THE ONE, but she was not able to answer that since I am 33! Now, if I was 23 that would have been a different story because that is SO much younger. I'm thinking if ANYTHING good could come from this it would be to allow this to be THE ONE! I think I could handle having that part of my life over!
As for how treatment has been since Monday, it's been slightly better... dare I say!? I've never been one to do things normally - and I love for nothing else than to have this treatment be better than the last two! Tonight's been a little rougher than the last two, but I'm still holding out hope... knocking on a lot of wood! The fatigue is bad and sleeplessness w/ the steroid suck, but I'd take those two over the nausea and nasty taste of foods and water! Time will tell, but I'm not holding my breath!
Monday's treatment did not go as quickly as possible, and I am wondering if that is leading to a better treatment bout this time. We were done with labs and dr. visit by 9 a.m., but we did not get home from treatment until 3 p.m. I realize they said plan on being there all day, but I thought noon would be the latest - meaning it took 3 hours to give me the treatment that only takes 90 minutes. My IV did not want to work for my nurse and so at different times when she believed my cytoxin was being administered it was actually just my saline solution. BUT, if it means I don't feel so yucky, well bring on 5 hour treatment again for the last time! It's all really a guessing game for me, so as I mentioned before, maybe we'll have it figured out for my last treatment on the 25th!
On the 25th I will be seeing the doctor that will be administering the radiation. My appointment for that will follow labs, dr, and chemo so hopefully we can make it! I'm anxious to learn the number of weeks I will be making daily trips for radiation.
Sorry I don't have a lot of positives or negatives this post... it's almost like the quiet before the storm and I REALLY didn't want to jinx myself by saying that I'm feeling a bit better this time around. I know that a lot of you are following my blog religiously and I don't want to make you wait too much longer. We'll see how tomorrow goes. Mom just refilled my water and it's starting to taste nasty so time will tell I guess.
I also learned that between the 7th and 10th day after treatment is when I am most susceptible to infection and/or germs that are surrounding me so I'll be house bound for the next several days... for sure! Not risking it when I'm so close to staying on track.
Thanks to all who continue to keep me in your thought and prayers!
I'm so tired I'm not even proof-reading this, so I apologize for any errors as I'm headed to bed without reading it again! : )

Pregame: Take 3

What Cancer Cannot Do

It Cannot...

invade the soal

suppress memories

kill friendship

destroy peace

conquer the spirit

shatter hope

cripple love

corrode faith

steal eternal life

silence courage

This week has been bitter-sweet. Lots of highs overcast with some cloudy days.
Starting with the best high - the benefit last Saturday. One cannot even BEGIN to express gratitude for an event that was as special as that! Thank you is not enough, and to say we were humbled probably goes without being said. The amount of people who attended was simply AWESOME... and the day itself was completely breath-taking. I am SO glad I had the opportunity to preview the "scene" on Friday before the actual benefit. While it prepared me for the overwhelming generosity this community showed, it couldn't have prepared me for all of the warmth I'd feel again when I saw a room full of people who came to show their support on Saturday! To know that I am a part of so many people's lives is so unbelievably humbling; students, community members, friends, family, and even classmates I hadn't seen in, well, we don't really need to say how long! Yes, grade school classmates showed up, college friends, my wonderful students came not only to see me but to help serve! The gifts, each and every God-given gift of mine, were there in only the way His bountiful love could have made possible. So many people in the community have even shared that it was an amazing turnout, and that it was just a fun day for them as well. No dollar amount could be equal to the richness I feel in the memories that I have to get me through the rest of my bout with cancer! To have the turn out such a success for the people who all made it possible was like icing on the cake for me. It was WONDERFUL to get out of the house and see people I don't get to see regularly anymore as well. I cannot talk enough about the benefit, but probably should update those who check regularly in hopes to see how I'm feeling.
Unfortunately, this week got off to a rough start. My push for the finish line is still strong, but there were a few more hurdles added to the track this time around. It’s probably expected to be a little more exhausting as the treatments start to cycle through a little slower because I don’t actually get to rebound clear back to where I originally started out.
From the day after my treatment, after my Neulasta shot on 3/29, I definitely felt the effects of chemo on my body. I was hoping to bounce back as quickly as I did after the first treatment. I felt “good” finally on Wednesday 4/6. I had the most amazing 6” sub from Subway that I have ever had. It tasted AMAZING, or at least like it is supposed to! To top that off I had a glass of milk…and was crazy about the taste of it! Probably one of the most annoying side-effects of the chemo is trying to eat like I’m supposed to and drink more than enough water when everything tastes awful. The chemo seems to deaden my taste buds and make my tongue feel like a thick piece of leather in my mouth.
My energy is completely drained so much that the simple task of making pancakes for the family in the morning WiPEd me out. It’s amazing how fast life can go from working two jobs and raising 3 kids to lying down after 20 minutes of trying to make breakfast. I think that is why my spirit is so crushed most days because I was living life in the too fast lane and it has all come to a crashing halt. I don’t know how people do it with a second or third bout with cancer. It must be like child labor; you forget about the details of the pain over time.
But, it is the love and support that continues to poor in that heals my wounded spirit. Cards, letters, and gifts continue to shower me on my worst days. Inspirational messages from people whom I do and don’t know or haven’t ever even met. It’s absolutely amazing the strength a note can give me to suck it up and push forward. A couple of examples this week were from a mom who is watching her son in his final stages of cancer prepare for his walk with God. Another from a former student who watched her mom battle cancer, not once but twice when she was a child of just 8 and 12. Said student reminded me that I am my children’s hero and that we will grow as a family from this journey. Those reminders are given to me on the days when I need them most!
Well, three more days and treatment number three will be out of the way. As chemo becomes more familiar my questioning turns more the medical direction. What makes treatment #4 the magical one? Are we sure chemo has killed any other cancer cells? When will radiation start and for how long will I be undergoing that? And while I understand that everyone’s body is different, how will I feel? Anything has got to be better than the way chemotherapy makes a person feel! The most important question of course is… DO I GO SHORT OR LONG, BLONDE OR BRUNETTE?
Yes my friends, the hair is gone! After getting ready for the benefit on Saturday morning and pulling more than half my hair out, I decided it was time to shave what was left. I didn’t actually shave it myself, but enlisted the help of a very brave neighbor. While I have not ordered or shopped for a wig yet, I know I’ll be the owner of one very soon. My best friend is getting married on the 30^th and I can’t wear a turban and scarf for that special day. It’s bad enough her matron of honor has to have cancer for her big day; I can’t be bald!
My kids’ reaction to my baldness has been simply amazing.
“You’re not as scary as I thought you’d be.”
“You look more like a dad than a mom.”
“You look like one of the Three Stooges!”
“Who cares!” – that’s the one I didn’t expect! We were headed out to grab a bite to eat and I almost left without my cap on, and that’s what Kyler said. I couldn’t have been more proud that he truly didn’t care what I looked like because I was still the same mom. It really melted my heart. Clayton is actually dealing with it much better than I thought he would as well. I guess they all just understand that this is part of making mom better.
Well, I may not post again until Monday because I’m going to make the most of this weekend before I’m bed-ridden again next week.

T.G.I.F.D.L.

Thank Goodness It's FOUR Days Later!
The chemo is finishing it's second stent of life in my body and hopefully each day will get easier until the next treatment. I've found that receiving treatment is far easier than when it is exiting the blood stream.
Lots of positives this time around as well. Physically, I felt so much better this second time around - possibly because my nerves were not as bad. Not sure if there's a connection or not yet, but things slowly got worse after my Neulasta shot which I go in for 24 hours after my treatment. It might also be that the chemo might have just been in my bloodstream for 24 hours too. Second positive, the headaches were minimal compared to last time - nothing compared to 8 days of continuous headaches! Third, no vomiting this time around either... might be that we've avoided the creepy, crawly flu bug this treatment round as well. (knocking on so SERIOUS wood here!)
I am still very weak and emotionally ready for a boost. My energy level is lower than the last time, but I'm sure that will be expected for awhile since it really never gets back to where I started. I'm very excited for the benefit on Saturday because I'm hoping to at least see people I haven't seen for 3-4 weeks!
Not working, mainly not getting to see my students, is hard but I'm sure they are getting the most out of their days regardless and Shannon is rocking the house... hopefully not getting too comfortable in my position though! : ) It's not up for grabs!
My workload, which I'm trying to make to-do lists to still be doing things, consists of 3-4 things to keep my mind busy and feeling useful. I COULDN'T do it without my little legs...mom! I cannot go get things I need or venture out to pay bills, etc. but my mom has been a trooper. Her legs are short but mighty! Tuesday I sent her on a day full of errands! She came straggling in a couple of times hoping for a nap, but this meanie just sent her back out to finish her list! She has admitted that raising kids at, well I won't mention how old she is going to be on Monday - it's a double digit and not a 4 or 6 - is much tougher than when she raised my brother and me. I can't imagine what I would do, or how crazy I would have made Chad by now, without her running here and there for me.
I'm not to a consistent sleep pattern either. I don't nap a ton during the day, which I believe is due to the steroid I take to help with the nausea, but most of the time wake up drenched, needing water, and then wide awake; hence the post at 4 in the morning! : ) Poor Taz, or dog, never knows where to go to find me in the middle of the night. He doesn't leave my side much when I'm sitting or resting. Today there's no more steroids until next treatment so I am excited about that!
Well my friends, I'm sure most of you are feeling the T.G.I.F. of my posting title today! I hope your day is wonderful and the weather is equally as beautiful this weekend for you to get out and enjoy it... take the time if you weren't already planning to!