Light At the End of the Tunnel

My last round of chemo treated me much as the last three...nothing being consistent that is! The tail-end of this last treatment came a little slower, but also a little gentler so I wasn't quite sure if it was "it."

Yesterday, Thursday, I awoke to have a normal-sized tongue and water tasted normal. These are usually good signs that the chemo has worked it's way out, along with a couple others but I won't give you those details! : )

I was excited as I went out in public, and by that I mean the exciting grocery store and the exciting pharmacy... places I have had to avoid for fear of contracting germs that might deter my from my next treatment. It's nice to gain some independence back. At the same time, it did not take me long to figure out that I have a lot of work to do in order to gain my strength back.

At my last couple of appointments I have had an increased heart rate, which we knew the chemo drug (adromyacin) can put pressure on the heart, I just didn't physically know how that would affect me. I've never had any issues with my heart, so I didn't understand how tired and weak it would make me feel when otherwise I felt just fine. So, it will be short, slow walks that will be on my agenda now that I am working on recovering from my chemo treatments. This is a task I am TOTALLY up for now that I don't feel sick anymore. I'm excited to get out from the confines of my home. I'd even like to make a visit to my students in the next week! 

I set my mom's head spinning with all of this talk of going out in the public. She's been so protective of me and worried about me getting sick that this is not a comfortable topic for her. I think she even hates to leave for fear I'll over-do or get sick. I'd probably feel the same if it were my child, so I can't blame her. She's been a trooper for the last... I don't even know how many weeks. She's come into our home and had to not only take care of me, but put up with some attitude from my children and husband as they have at times resented her having to do the things they wish I could, and would normally, do myself. Our house will slowly transform back into some normalcy next week as grandma leaves, mom starts to do the things she used to around the house, and the kids regain their own chores grandma did FOR them. I think they will actually appreciate grandma more when she leaves than they have since she has been here!!!

The wedding last weekend was beautiful. The bride was beautiful and Jenna had an AMAZING time. She might have been slightly more excited than even the bride that the wedding day had finally arrived. I, however, couldn't have felt more lousy! I slept in the hotel room until 30 minutes before pics, applied make-up, peeled on a dress, and threw on a wig. Bloody noses were the name of the game the day of the wedding too; where those came from I haven't a clue! Grandma shuttled Jenna between our hotel room and the bride's headquarters so she could get her hair done and get dressed with the rest of the girls. I was able to stay for dinner and my speech for the reception. I am glad I was able to be there for Megan, but was glad to be back in my hotel room for sleep!

Spring has to be the "perfect" season to be sick. It allows for an underlying sense of hope just in sitting outdoors or by a window basking in the sunshine. There's new growth everywhere and a sense of newness that the fall or winter seasons just wouldn't provide. Obviously this is not something people probably think about when healthy, but it's something not to be overlooked or taken for granted. I love spring and I believe it is my new favorite season... allergies and ALL! : )

So, the next step for me is radiation. Monday I meet with Dr. Hohl one more time; I think just one more time at least. I assume just to check how I am doing after all the treatments and make sure my blood work all looks normal after my last chemo. 

As I look back to my first phone conversation with Dr. Hohl, I am FOREVER grateful for how he took over my care as I transferred from Mercy, answered my questions on my level, and made me feel so much better about how my treatment would be handled. As I move on to Dr. Jacobsen it's bitter-sweet to be "done" with his care. He is truly a doctor who is his line of work for the right reasons! 

Wednesday is a day of testing in order to plan my radiation, hopefully to begin the following Monday. I'm a lot more optimistic about this form of treatment as I don't think I'll feel as lousy as I have for the last 10 weeks. The worst I've been told is the fatigue. I've always said, since having kids at least, that tiredness is a state-of-mind... so we'll see if I'm about to learn another life lesson! It's a good thing I don't think I've already learned everything I need to know about life at 33! Cancer truly is an exception to most rules and contradicts most of what I've believed about life up to this point. It puts you in a completely different state-of-mind and makes you appreciate SO much more than anyone could ever explain! 

Have a blessed weekend and I'll be back next week after my appointments to update again. Enjoy the weather and your family this Mother's Day weekend.